Newsnight rodent back for more

Jeremy's revelation that the Newsnight rodent had returned to our office in Wednesday's e-letter has got you e-mailing, scroll down to read your musings and rat-pack applications...

We assumed they had defected to Sky or ITV, where the cheese is legendary Jeremy Paxman

From Jeremy Paxman's daily newsletter (15.06.05):

"The real excitement is news of the welcome return of the Newsnight Rodent.

Longstanding readers will recall that our office used to have a generous complement of rats and mice, who were generally thought of as being in some loose contractual relationship with the The World Tonight, with whom we share our office.

They then went on some sort of attachment or work-experience scheme and colonised the area occupied by figures like Peter Marshall and Mark Urban.

But then they all vanished. It was soon after the day the office was flooded, if I recall correctly. We naturally assumed they had defected to Sky or ITV, where the cheese is legendary.

But I am pleased to report their return. One of them has even scaled Stephanie Flanders' drawers. (No mean feat).

He has made himself at home among her fascinating collection of Treasury Forecasts and all-weather cycling gear, sustained by her enormous quantity of nuts.

The matter's being referred to a higher authority for a decision as to whether Mark Thompson's downsizing plans are likely to allow for a cat on a short-term contract."

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Good Afternoon, I would just like to thank Jeremy for the following on the daily e-mail:

"The matter's being referred to a higher authority for a decision as to whether Mark Thompson's downsizing plans are likely to allow for a cat on a short-term contract."

Made me a smile at the end of a bad day at work
Mark Cotton

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If your mice have gone then fine - but if some of them should still be around then I'd be more than happy to lend you my two cats, a frog who lives n our garden shed, an 18 month old West Highland White Terrier and an 8-year-old boy. I think I'd find a few mice quite relaxing in comparison to the aforementioned ... and I think after a few days of the aforementioned you'd be very pleased have to your mice back! Was so hoping to actually have a mouse report on the programme... radically more important than either the weather or the FTSEs!
KRR, Bournemouth

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Dear Jeremy,

Hasn't it crossed your mind that the re-introduction of mice and rats might just be a part of Mark Thompson's cunning downsizing plan? Perhaps he thinks a plague of vermin will have you all running to the luxurious offices of Channel 4 and ITV! My cat, Hecate - she's all black, has said she will help you out for a payment of a tin of salmon Whiskas and a packet of munchies!
Lin Thomas

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Dearest Jeremy,

Re your plans to hire a cat on a short-term contract to get rid of the Newsnight Rodent

I'd like to submit my resumé for the position. I'm a Brazilian with Italian citizenship (so no problems as to legal matters) and - most important - jobless right now. Having a friend who lives in London and who wouldn't mind to lend me her sofa for some time, I wouldn't even have accommodation difficulties.

Why do I think I'm suitable for the job? I happen to have two cats in our flat, so I know how their minds work. I lived for three years in a small countryside town, in a nice house which happened to be the home of several mice, so I kind of became an expert in getting rid of the nasty little creatures. And, ages ago, spending summer holidays in our family's house on the mountains, I'd help my grandfather and the family dog to chase these nasty creatures - only by that time they were anything but little!

Please let me know whether I have any chance, so I'll send my resumé.

Big hugs to all
Heloisa Fialho

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Any chance of an interview with the mouse in question? Ian Price

While I enjoyed Jeremy's merciless scolding of the studio audience as much as the next man, I was rather disappointed that last night's programme contained nothing on the much-heralded Newsnight rodent. I was rather looking forward to some behind-the-scenes coverage of the Newsnight studio (and I'm sure I speak for all red-blooded Englishmen when I say that the prospect of a glimpse at Stephanie Flanders' drawers has a powerful appeal all of its own). Any chance of an interview with the mouse in question in any future programmes?
Ian Price, London

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Rats?! Well, OK they are supposed to be clean and intelligent but an unreliable source tells me that mice have no sphincter, therefore although quite cute and furry, poo more or less randomly all the time and you don't want any of that in your Bombay Mix. Suggest you round up mice immediately, bed humanely in shredded weather maps and forward to Jeremy Clarkson (who can probably get them to Oxfordshire fast or employ them as extras in one of his odd vehicle experiments).
Fiona McNeill

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The rodent story is another pleasing example of Jeremy Paxman shedding his former stuffy, high brow image and turning his attention to covering more down-to-earth human (rodent?) interest stories.
Sally Monmouse, Billingsgate

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Dear Jeremy Paxman

Thanks for the info. The plague of rats and mice is extremely worrying; could it be an anti-feminist plot, something to keep the female members of Newsnight in check? Here is an extract from an article in a 19th century edition of "Punch":

How to treat the female Chartists

London is threatened with an eruption of female Chartists and every man of experience is naturally alarmed, for he knows that the vox femine is the vox diaboli when it is set going. The women must be put down, as any unfortunate victim to female dominance can testify. How then are we to deal with the female Chartist? We have something to propose that will easily meet the emergency. A heroine who would never run away from a man would fly in dismay before an industrious flea or a burly black beetle. We have only to collect together a good supply of cockroaches with a fair sprinkling of rats and a muster of mice, in order to disperse the largest and most ferocious crowd of females that ever was collected, in order to allay their turbulence.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Best wishes,
Barbara Kendall-Davies

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