Swiss on the cycle warpath

Switzerland could face a future of purely civilian cycling

By the BBC's Justin Webb

Balz Buetikofr is very big and very wet, the rain dripping from every corner of his huge frame.

His black beret is sodden, his camouflage gear drenched, but Balz is a happy man.

We can get to anything within 50 km before the tank boys have even got their vehicles ready

Balz Buetikofr

He is doing what he likes best - practising making war on a bicycle.

We are on the edge of a wood in the hills outside Berne and Balz is putting new recruits through their paces.

At his command, a dozen or so helmeted, camouflaged cyclists appear on similarly camouflaged bikes.

They hurl themselves at bone crunching speed into the foliage and dive onto the ground.

The bikes are laid on their side and an extraordinary array of weaponry is removed from their khaki panniers.

Mountain men

Balz is used to people coming to laugh at his troops and leaving with the smiles wiped off their faces.

Because in this terrain - hill tracks and thick forests - bikes actually do seem to make sense.

There's no denying it - Switzerland is different

The specially made machines are very strong and very heavy - it took all my effort to lift one - but they are extraordinarily manoeuvrable and the anti-tank weapons they carry can pack a punch.

"We can be sitting in a room and if the call comes for action we can get to anything within 50 km before the tank boys have even got their vehicles ready," the proud commander tells me.

But year after year, as they wait for this action, the same thing happens, and it is beginning to sap the strength of even the hardiest of them - nobody invades Switzerland.

Neutral isolation

It is a pattern seen right across Swiss society, a dissatisfaction building up with neutrality and isolationism - both of which seemed wise in the past but do not meet the needs of modern life.

Young conscripts regard the bicycle regiment as an embarrassment

The impetus comes particularly from the young professionals - diplomats who would like to join the United Nations, businesspeople who want easier access to the markets of the European Union.

Switzerland is of course not a member of the UN or the EU at the moment.

But it also comes from soldiers who want to practise their craft keeping the peace in the world's hotspots, not sit around at home peering over the mountains in mock fear of the threat they know does not exist.

Constitutionally challenged

The soldiers - part of a militia army designed purely to defend Swiss doorsteps - feel particularly excluded from global opportunities and challenges.

American Nato troops in Kosovo: A role model for the militia

The constitution bans them from taking their weapons abroad.

Even the young conscripts seem to hanker after a more demanding military role.

I talked to a couple of them in their barracks in the shadow of the snow covered north face of the Eiger.

They regard the bicycle regiment as an embarrassment.

Yuma Weber is a 19 year old with an earring and Mediterranean tan, who describes himself as a professional party organiser based in Zurich.

"How can the bicycle fit in with other modern armies?" he asks. "What could they contribute in Kosovo?"

Bikers in tanks

Yuma's views are not unusual - and actually many professional soldiers support him.

I ask a colonel at the barracks what he thinks of the cyclists. He smiles, opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

A few moments later he has composed his response in perfect English: "No Comment".

An Alpenhorn gathering epitomises the oddness of the Swiss

But the man at the very top, Major General Urban Siegenthaler, chief of staff for military planning, then gives the game away.

In his office in Berne he waxes lyrical about the commitment of the bicycle regiment - commitment that was second to none and must be harnessed.

"But how? Well, we'll give them armoured vehicles. They will still be called the bicycle regiment, but they will no longer have bycycles."

Passing oddness

Already the military bureaucrats are doing their dirty work - laying out the metaphorical tin-tacks in the path of the plucky peddlers.

Soon perhaps the Swiss will be in the UN and the EU and their bicycle troops will be reduced to ceremonial duties.

It'll be a victory for modernity and for those young Swiss who want to be like the rest of us.

But you don't have to be a dyed-in-the-wool conservative to regret the passing of the oddness of Switzerland.