Baby Be Mine: Loving Dylan

Sarah Wade, from Luton, was 19 when she travelled to Romania to work as a volunteer in gypsy camps and with abandoned children in the country's notorious orphanages. Whilst she was there, she became drawn to one child in particular and became his foster mother. A BBC documentary, Baby Be Mine, follows her attempt to adopt Dylan.

Sarah Wade says looking after Dylan is a challenge

I remember the first time I met Dylan, his clothes were covered in sick and although he was over a year old, he was the size of a three or four-month-old baby.

He couldn't hold his head up - never mind sit or crawl.

He wouldn't smile and just lay in his cot clutching his hands. Whenever I tried to pick him up, he would just scream.

Dylan had been born with hypoxia - a type of brain damage.

On top of that, he suffered from pneumonia, chronic bronchitis and severe anaemia.

To cap it all, the doctor at the orphanage told me he didn't think Dylan would ever be able to walk as his feet were bent from being dressed in clothes that were too small.

Desperate for love

I remember at the time thinking it might be better for me to pick up and hold another child, as there were so many children who were desperate to be loved.

BABY BE MINE Programme 1: Wednesday 25 January, 2006 Programme 2: Wednesday 1 February, 2006 2100 GMT, on BBC One

These children were cute and would laugh when you scooped them up and played with them.

I'm not sure why, but I didn't change my mind and pick one of the "happy" children.

I soon decided to become a foster mother to Dylan. It was clear that from that day onward my life would never be the same again, but about one thing I was certain.

Although I was willing to care for Dylan in the short term, I had absolutely no intention of becoming Dylan's permanent mother or of adopting him.

I remember sitting and crying on my balcony on the day I was due to pick him up from the grim orphanage. Looking back now, I don't think I knew what I was doing.

From the second Dylan left the institution where he had spent most of his short miserable life, he didn't cry. In fact he didn't cry for months. He would just sit quietly clasping his hands together.

Attached

Being a "mum" - albeit a temporary one, was a bit of a shock to the system, but I soon adapted.

Apart from all the early mornings and having to learn how to cook for a child, Dylan hadn't changed my life too much - he was so good and quiet. Soon he would smile, and after a month he was sitting up.

Dylan was diagnosed with autism and Attention Deficit Disorder

A few months later, I took Dylan to England for the first time.

I think maybe my family were worried then that I was getting too attached to him and I would find it hard when the day came for me to give him away, but that never occurred to me.

My family was right. Although I didn't realise it at the time, I was getting more and more attached to my foster son.

Slowly our lives moved closer together. Dylan's health continued to improve, but along with this came the difficulties of his behaviour.

Dylan became aggressive to himself and to everyone else. He found it difficult to interact with other children.

He became very attention seeking and would throw himself on the floor and have terrible tantrums.

Struggle

There were days when I didn't want to leave the house with him in case he would hit people, or start a screaming fit in the middle of a shopping centre.

I have become a young single mother, but by no means am I alone

Dylan would wear me out, but never wore out the love I had for him.

However hard it was, I loved him more and more each day.

The simple things - like him calling me "mum" or how he laughed would make me laugh and that made everything bearable.

In November 2004 Dylan started kindergarten.

Every day his teachers would tell me how badly behaved he had been and it wasn't long until other children's parents would wait for me outside the entrance, angry that Dylan had hit their child. Soon, I dreaded going to school to pick him up.

Eventually Dylan was diagnosed with autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I finally knew he wasn't "growing out of anything" and that things would probably get a lot more difficult.

Of course, although it was hard finding out that Dylan was autistic, I had always known there was something wrong with him. I suppose I had just hoped it would go away.

'Normal child'

Nevertheless, by 2003 I had decided I wanted to keep Dylan and try to adopt him under Romanian law. But that has proved a lot more difficult than I had ever imagined.

When I went to meet the director of child protection in Oradea, the town where I live, she was less than helpful.

Many adopted children are still affected by their early experiences

She told me Dylan was not my child and I should have known from the beginning that the foster placement was temporary. I explained about his autism and his low immune system, but she just said:

"Why don't you give him back and take a normal child then?"

Well, after a long battle with the authorities, I'm now being granted Romanian residency - which will mean I will be able to officially become Dylan's mum.

The hardest job I have ever had is being a mother and I naively failed to appreciate how tough it would be.

Dylan's behaviour is still a challenge, but it is a challenge I enjoy and am finally ready for.

Sometimes he is not easy to control, but with that comes Dylan's humour, sense of fun, affection and love. There's not one day when he doesn't tell me he loves me.

I do struggle, and - yes - I have become a young single mother, but by no means am I alone.

I have friends in Romania who have become my family and helped me in so many ways. Also I have my family in England who I know would do anything for us both.

And because of all this I know that with Dylan and I, everything is going to work out just fine!

Sarah Wade has set up a foundation, Romanian Relief, to provide a loving and caring home for children like Dylan.

Romanian Relief website

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Sarah and Dylan's story is told in Baby Be Mine, which begins on Wednesday 25 January 2006 at 2100 GMT on BBC One.