John Suchet's heartache over wife's dementia

By Neil Bowdler
BBC News health reporter

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John Suchet: 'It's the little things that break you up'

Last year, former ITN presenter John Suchet announced his wife had dementia. He thought no-one would take much notice.

"The charity [Dementia UK] warned me it might create a certain amount of interest and I said, no, it wouldn't. I'm a journalist. I know what's a story," he said.

"It was a tsunami. I received hundreds of thousand of e-mails and letters from all across the world, all from carers saying that's what we're going through. Thank you for talking about it."

The reaction made him feel he had done the right thing in speaking out, despite doubts which linger to this day.

One-way ticket

The story of Bonnie Suchet, 68, of course, did not end with speaking out in a round of media interviews. Since going public, Suchet, 66, has gone through the trauma of placing her in a home.

I'm starting a new life. Am I excited? God, no. It was never supposed to be like this John Suchet

"Bon went into full-time care last September and to say it was the most difficult decision I've ever had to take is a pathetic understatement," he says at the offices of his publishers.

He describes the day in detail: leaving their shared home in London for the last time together; the one-way rail ticket he brought for her; the single room with the single bed that awaited Bonnie in the care home.

"It's the little things that break you up," he said.

In the end, she made it as easy for him as she could have done, never questioning him then or since.

"She's never asked me a single question about where I have been, what I've been up to. Given what happened, she could have made it a nightmare for me, but that wouldn't be my Bon."

Bonnie Suchet was diagnosed with dementia in 2006

While his wife has begun her new life at a Berkshire care home, Suchet himself has been struggling to adapt. It is a life in which he finds himself grieving the loss of a woman he still visits.

"I've sold our flat. I've bought a new one, Bon knows nothing about it. I've cleared out all her stuff, took it to the charity shop.

"I found myself walking past the charity shop the other day and there it was in the window.

"I'm starting a new life. Am I happy? Of course not. Am I excited? God, no. It was never supposed to be like this."

Dementia diary

Suchet's new book, My Bonnie: How Dementia Stole The Love Of My Life, is part of the grieving process.

DEMENTIA FACTS Dementia is an umbrella term describing a deterioration in mental functions Signs of confusion or agitation are what usually prompt a visit to the GP Dementia cannot be cured 700,000 people have dementia in the UK 15,000 of those are under 65 The total affected is estimated to reach 1m by 2021 Women account for two-thirds of cases Dementia: A family's story Q&A: Dementia

It started with specialist nurse Ian Weatherhead suggesting he should keep a journal. He responded by saying it was too painful but started writing that night.

The book is both a love story and a diary of a carer dealing with dementia.

"Dementia puts the burden on the carer because the carer knows something's going wrong but the person with dementia doesn't know," he says.

Were it not for the so-called Admiral Nurses, like Ian, who specialise in dementia and helping carers, he says he would not have coped.

Suchet is now patron of the charity, Dementia UK, which works to increase their numbers.

The publicity surrounding Suchet's story has undoubtedly benefited the charity - so much so that plans for a virtual academy to provide training for more Admiral Nurses have been brought forward.

"Some good has come of this - and one of the decisions the trustees made when they decided to go ahead with the academy now was that they would name it in honour of Bonnie Suchet."

He wells up with pride.

"So there, that's Bon's legacy."

High-profile names can help draw attention to a disease or condition. This video series talks to those in the public eye about their personal reasons for speaking out.