'I felt so alone I tried to hang myself'

By Jane Elliott
Health reporter, BBC News

Ruby: 'It doesn't define me' (Footage courtesy of youthhealthtalk.org)

When Ruby Holmes was 12 she started to binge eat and purge her food - she was being bullied.

By 18 she was drinking two bottles of wine each night and when she was 24 she felt so alone she tried to kill herself.

It was only then, when she came to the attention of the medical profession, that she was given the psychiatric help she needed.

"After I tried to hang myself I started to talk and people started to listen," she said.

'So ugly'

"It started at comprehensive school as after about six months I was bullied.

I lost my job, dropped out of college, messed up my degree - and that caused the depression to be 10 times worse Ruby Holmes

"I was led to believe that I was so ugly that even walking down the street people were staring at me and stuff.

"I totally believed it, hook, line and sinker.

"I started to binge and purge four to five times a day. It was out of control and then I started drinking excessively as well.

"I lost my job, dropped out of college, messed up my degree - and that caused the depression to be 10 times worse."

When she was admitted to hospital following her suicide attempt, Ruby was able to talk to a professional about her experiences for the first time, and she found it cathartic.

She was put on anti-depressants and anti-psychotic medication, which has been a big help for her.

But Ruby says that for years she felt alone, and thought she was the only one in her position.

She says young people need to know more about what is happening to them, what to ask and where to go for help.

Today she is getting her life back on track. She does volunteering work for two charities and writes.

She says the most important thing for anyone with a mental health problem is to "speak up, and to speak loud, until somebody listens to you". It is something she wishes she had done earlier.

Now a new section of the website YouthHealthTalk has been launched to advise young people, like Ruby, about all aspects of depression and to show them they are not alone.

Stigmatised

The new site includes young people's accounts of their experiences of bullying and feeling different, early signs and symptoms of depression, treatments and other interventions. There are also sections on friendships and family, school and lifestyle.

Dr Ann McPherson, an Oxford GP who is medical director and co-founder of YouthHealthTalk, said she hoped the site could help young people like Ruby cope with a difficult condition.

"It took Ruby a long time to come to terms with what had happened to her - she had felt very isolated and alone," she said.

Erika-Maye was bullied and hated school

"Our website can show them they are not alone and where to get help."

Alan Stein, professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Oxford and Warneford Hospital in Oxford, said the website could provide a vital tool.

"Depression in young people is often under-recognised and highly stigmatised," he said.

"A lot of young people have depression at different times, but they don't know that.

"They don't know where to turn, but having a website like this that they can go and get help."

Hormones

Erika-Maye, aged 18 and from Brighton, was first diagnosed with depression at 13 - but had already been hearing voices, harming herself and had been battling eating disorders.

She, too, said she felt very isolated by her illness.

"I felt I was alone. The first doctor I saw put it down to hormones because of my age, which I can understand to some level.

"But anyone who says they are suicidal and depressed should be taken seriously."

Lucie Russell, of the mental health charity YoungMinds, said such sites could help young people struggling with mental health issues.

"Websites such as this help young people to understand more about feeling unhappy and ensure they have access to information and support when they need it.

"There is still a lot of stigma about depression and mental distress and so accessible websites like this one help young people to identify what might be wrong and how to get help."