'It was like living with his twin'

By Jane Elliott
Health reporter, BBC News

Tom worked hard at his recovery

Tom Blandford is very different from the man Chris married 34 years ago.

When he had a stroke two years ago, it was feared that the 57-year-old might die.

He survived, but the stroke changed his personality in ways his wife could not have imagined.

"He is not the man I married," said Chris.

A different man

"When he first came home it was like having his twin brother.

"He was like a five-year-old. He would get up in the morning and I wouldn't know whether he was going to be difficult or not.

We both feel life is for living. We just count our blessings every day Chris Blandford

"He would make jokes about everything all day and not really listen to anything anyone said.

"He's always playing practical jokes, and has a fantastic dry sense of humour.

"He was always laid back, but he became so laid back I had to almost peel him off the floor. Nothing bothers him.

"Tom is different in many ways, mostly in a good way. But he has lost some empathy and can be a little sharp with people. He also has some lapses of memory.

"But on the whole the good points far out number the bad - after 34 years of marriage that must be good.

"He still has his problems, but is back at work and has lost two stones.

"We both feel life is for living. We just count our blessings every day."

'We had discussed 'living wills'

When Tom had his massive stroke in June 2005 doctors feared the worst.

He had a number of bleeds in the brain and could not move down his right hand side, he was partially blind and his speech slurred.

The couple had always talked about not wanting to live if they could not have a full and fruitful life.

And Chris, aged 61, knew Tom would not want a partial life.

In a stroke an area of the brain is deprived of its blood supply

"We had both always said that if we could not live our lives properly then we did not want to live.

"We have both thought about making a living will and we both would not like too much medical interference if a good quality of life was not going to be the outcome.

"My daughter Elizabeth reminded me of this as he lay in his hospital bed, but I said 'it is still early days let's see what happens'."

And always a stubborn man Tom proved his wife right - fighting back and astonishing everybody with his progress.

He learnt to read again, to see again, to speak properly again and regained the use of his body so well that he is now back at work as an engineer.

Did not realise it was serious

The stroke had come completely out of the blue and although Tom had a heart rhythm problem and was overweight nobody had suspected he was at risk.

And even as he had the stroke, two years ago, Chris said he was reluctant to believe it could be serious.

"He cycled home from work, it was a hot night but he was really sweaty. It was pouring off him.

"He went upstairs and said he could not get onto the internet and I should have realised there was something wrong with him because he was the technical expert.

"Then he got up at about 3am and I heard a bang. He said he had fallen over a chair, but I know I never leave chairs out.

"I said I was going to ring for the doctor, but he said 'no' and pulled the telephone cord out.

"When he woke up at 6am he could not move down the right hand side of his body.

"He said he wanted to go to the toilet, but could not sit on it. I just dialled 999."

Chris said her husband was coherent and told her just to follow in the car as he would be home that night.

But a scan at the hospital showed just how serious the problem was, revealing several bleeds in the brain.

A stroke can impact on the entire family Andrea Lane

For the first 36 hours he was critical.

He pulled through despite a couple of scares and then he was moved into a stroke unit.

After 18 days Tom demanded to come home, the doctors wanted him to go to rehabilitation, but he was determined and so got speech therapy and physio at home.

Chris said all his medical treatment had been superb.

Carer support

Dr Louise Robinson, a senior lecturer in ageing and dementia research said it can be very difficult for carers, like Chris, to adjust when a relative had a stroke.

"Caring for a relative who has had a stroke can be both physically and emotionally draining. It is important that the needs of both the patient and carer are acknowledged and appropriate support provided.

"As doctors, we should always endeavour to support both the patient and carer as both as equally important."

Andrea Lane, of the Stroke Association, agreed: "A stroke is a shock to everyone and can impact on the entire family."