Tumour diary: Things are looking up

By Ivan Noble
BBC News Online science writer

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in August 2002.

Since then he has been sharing his experiences in an online diary.

I am out of the hospital and happy as Larry.

I am really sorry for the maudlin tone of my last contribution.

I feel great and the inside of my head is in a better state than it has been for the last two years.

For two days after the operation I was really shaky, upset and frightened, and then, suddenly the whole thing lifted.

I have had to face facts.

I am not going to live for ever and there is no cure for what I have.

But that does not matter right now.

What matters is that my relapse has been dealt with very successfully.

Insurance policy

My tumour has been removed and an insurance policy has been taken out in the form of chemotherapy applied directly to the brain.

It is cutting edge stuff, not long available in Britain.

I feel great and the inside of my head is in a better state than it has been for the last two years.

I am surprised and delighted with the lack of trauma from the operation.

There was real fear in my mind before the operation.

Shave next time

But the worst pain has been having the hairs pulled off my arms when they ripped the tape off that held all the anaesthesia lines on.

I need nothing more than paracetemol to deal with the post operative pain.

It has been a much easier ride than I expected and the care in the hospital was first rate.

Now what I need to do is build my strength up and build my confidence moving around.

My eyesight has worsened markedly as a result of the relapse and I need to get used to that and compensate for it.

I want to look for some training if such a thing exists.

I need to get back on a healthy diet (the Chinese takeaway factor has crept back in) and get back to doing all the exercise and meditation I did before this bout of drama came along.

My good mood is enhanced by the fact that we have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

We ate cake in a café where we often went before our daughter was born and had an early night.

Life is really good and I am glad that I have realised my blessings once again.

Send your messages to Ivan.

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Have followed your compelling story with interest and compassion. Kudos to you and your family for the remarkable way you've handled your illness and for the imaginative ways you are now dealing with your recovery. Your courage and humour as you face these challenges inspire us all, as we strive to make the best of our own lives. Stay strong and well! God bless you and your family.
Tara, France

Congratulations on your Anniversary. It's good to hear you sounding positive again. You continue to be an inspiration.
Julie Berry, USA

Keep fighting, keep smiling and keep enjoying your family and life Pete Kaiser, UK

Ivan, Good on you - I hope that if and when I ever have to face something of such magnitude in my life that I have as much strength of mind and as optimistic and positive an outlook as you do. Don't apologise for the maudlin tone of the last diary entry - one of the best things about this whole diary is the way you've told it as it is, downs as well as ups! Keep fighting, keep smiling and keep enjoying your family and life.
Pete Kaiser, UK

I'm really glad that you are out of hospital and feeling better. Don't feel you have to apologise for feeling down or what you wrote - it's natural and human to have good and bad moments/days. Just try to keep focusing on the positive and enjoy what you are doing now - which it sounds like you are already doing. Happy anniversary!
Zoe, Japan

Welcome back amongst friends!
Alan, England

What an amazing tool this world wide web is! Here I am sitting at my desk researching material that I can try to enthuse my Business studies students with and I find your diary. I feel uplifted by your words and write to thank you for making me think. I wish you well with your treatment, my father has been having some cutting edge treatment for primary liver cancer and is still fit enough to travel the world four years after being diagnosed- so never give up hope and keep positive. best wishes to you and your family.
Clare, UK

Ivan, you have gone through so much that you are bound to get "down" days. But trust me, your diary is an inspiration to all who read it. You have true guts and courage in the face of adversity. God bless
Alison, UK

It was so good to hear from you after the op, Ivan. You were fully entitled to feel as you did! It is even better to know that not only are you over the op, but feeling good too. To be able to get home for your anniversary was great. Pop those B vitamins!! Drink Guiness!! Take care Ivan and let us know how you are getting on.
Sally Denham, British Columbia, Canada