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Last Updated: Thursday, 20 November, 2003, 14:51 GMT
Tumour diary: ''I've just had surgery"
By Ivan Noble
BBC News Online science writer

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in August 2002.

Since then he has been sharing his experiences in an online diary.

I have had my second brain operation, a much more substantial procedure than last time.

From what I can tell, it seems to have been a success.

Much, if not all of the bad stuff is gone now.

It is hard not to bargain with time.
But I am weak, shocked and drained by the experience.

I hope to go home on Friday. I very much want to be home for our wedding anniversary on Sunday.

I suspect it will be a fairly sedate affair.

Try to relax

I really have to calm down now, relax and start to feel better.

But calm is not easy to come by when you cannot help wondering what the future will bring.

I have not really got used to the fact that I have had a relapse.

The kind of tumour I have does tend to relapse, so it was not unusual, though obviously I was hoping for much longer before it did.

It is hard not to bargain with time.

I say to myself, if I make it to mid-January then our little girl will be two.

It does not help but I cannot seem to stop it entirely.

I need to go slowly and surely now, rest and exercise.

Send your comments to Ivan on the post form below :

Dear Ivan, as a third year medical student who recently started clinical training, I just wanted to say what a source of inspiration your diary has been. It has reminded me time and again that a patient's life is not limited to their hospital or clinic visits, or indeed to their illness, but is full and enriched above and beyond these circumstances. All fingers crossed for you.
Philippa, UK

How great to log on today and hear from you. My colleagues and I have been waiting eagerly for this update, and send lots of love and prayers to you and your family. Happy Anniversary!
Helene Grabowski, Bristol, England

Your experience puts into context all our petty little problems
Ally Johnston, UK
Your experience puts into context all our petty little problems. Take all the energy people are sending you and with our prayers may you live a wonderful and healthy life.
Ally Johnston, UK

Ivan, so glad to read your latest diary entry. Your strength is tremendous. I have been following your diary for a while now, and it has a tremendous impact. I think there are lessons for us all in your approach to life and determination to focus on doing your best with each day. A reminder that the present day is all we can ever deal with. With many best wishes and prayers that you may soon achieve your aim of going home to your family. God bless.
Michael Hanson, Bath, UK

Ivan, I am so pleased that your surgery went well. Thank you for your strength & courage to keep your diary going. You are needed, and an inspiration to all. A humoungous hug, love, & prayer, "from across the pond". Leslie, USA
Leslie David, USA

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I have two male friends in their early 30's who have malignant forms of cancer. You have helped me get an insight into what they are feeling, some things don't come up in conversation because the experiences are too raw for them to articulate. I wish you all the best and please do not stop, you would be suprised who and how many people you help.
Tareq Kubaisi, London, UK

I am just so pleased to hear from you after your op - I've been anxiously waiting for news. Take care and enjoy the love of your family. You are a true inspiration.
Jenny Tarrant, UK

I have been following your diary with interest and prayer, and am so pleased that you have successfully overcome this latest obstacle. I know it's hard, but do try to keep positive about it all. There are many of us out there thinking and praying for you.
David Johnson, England

Keep on going from strength to strength
Michele Edwards, UK
I was so glad when I saw your diary entry after your second operation and am so pleased you are recovering. My wishes are that you will be able to celebrate your wedding anniversary at home. Congratulations! And keep on going from strength to strength!
Michele Edwards, UK

Ivan, I'm sending you a big cyber hug. Rest up and take care. Much love.
Sam, UK

It's so good to hear that the operation seems to have been a success. Please take care of yourself and try that relaxation thing. We're sending you and your family all the luck and best wishes that can fit in this mail.
Alice, UK

Your story and strength during this time has moved me so much. My thoughts are with you. Be positive and brave and let your love for your wife & child shine through all of this. Every best wish for you.
Alison Coutts, Scotland

I'm so happy you're safely through your operation and I wish you speedy recovery. I've been following your online diary for ages now and I'm really impressed with how you've coped. Thank you for sharing your experience in what must be really difficult circumstances. Happy anniversary.
Jane Edbrooke, London, UK

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