Tumour diary: Going holistic

By Ivan Noble
BBC News Online science writer

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour last August.

Since then he has been sharing his experiences in an online diary.

Three months have passed now since I had the good news that the first phase of treatment of my tumour had worked.

Last year, when I was diagnosed, I did not realise it fully, but it was by no means certain that I would see another birthday.

So, just now as I celebrated my 36th, I had more reason that most people to celebrate.

But it is hard to celebrate wholeheartedly when the future is so uncertain.

The rate of relapse for people who have what I have is terrifyingly high.

And however many times I remind myself that statistics apply to groups, not individuals, and that as a young(ish) man with no major symptoms I have the best possible chance, I still find the battle against anxiety a difficult one.

So I have decided to spend two days at a centre which specialises in complementary treatment for cancer and a holistic approach to health.

Pulling it all together

I have always had the strong feeling that besides all the treatment I have had, there ought to be something I could do to help myself.

I am already doing some of the things which the centre's literature describes.

I am trying to keep up with my tai chi exercises to keep me strong and relaxed, I take a cocktail of vitamins every day and most of the time, birthdays and holidays notwithstanding, I stick to a meat-, egg- and dairy-free diet.

But I am hoping that the stay at the holistic centre will help me pull it all together and above all get to grips with the fear.

Whether I make it to see my little girl turn 18 or whether the statistics catch up with me long before then, I do not want to spend the rest of my life curling up in bed in fear.

It is important for my survival that I stay positive and it is crucial to the people close to me, too.

I am writing this column monthly now so I hope that next month I will be singing the praises of self-help.