Tumour diary: Family life

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in August last year.

Since then he has been sharing his experiences in a weekly online diary.

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My treatment is over, even though it does not quite feel it yet.

I finished the last of the chemotherapy tablets on Sunday and I have been pretty tired ever since.

But if the last three months are anything to go by, I should feel better by the weekend.

I have become a lot more careful about how I spend my time

I will have to do, because by the time this is published I will be landing in Hong Kong to see my brother, sister-in-law and their new baby.

The only drugs I am taking now are some very mild ones which are intended to prevent the epileptic fits which sometimes affect people with brain tumours.

But every day I still take a whole handful of vitamin supplements which are intended for people who have problems with their immune systems.

People keep telling me how well I look. I feel it, too.

Half of me feels like rushing ahead to make plans and the other half feels like taking the doctor's advice and waiting until the scan results in early March.

There is plenty to be getting on with right now, though.

Our little girl managed her first steps at the weekend, or at least the first ones either of us was there to witness.

I am sure she has been practising at her nursery.

She slowly and carefully tottered six steps across her bedroom floor towards me before giving up and sitting down again.

She can tell that I am especially proud of her and has now learnt to say "two" whenever I hold up a finger and say "one".

A big part of me does not want to go away at all, because it means not seeing her for six days.

I have become a lot more careful about how I spend my time and without totally giving up on a social life, I try to spend as much of it as possible at home with her and her mother.

Computer addiction

Dealing with my decades-old computer addiction can be tricky, though.

We first had a computer at home when I was about 15 and ever since then I have been utterly fascinated with the little worlds inside them.

I must have spend years of my life by now taking computers apart, putting them back together, reconfiguring them and trying to connect them together in various ways.

Without all that tinkering, I would not have the job I have today, but I can quite understand that most people would view it as a waste of time.

I made a promise to myself after I was diagnosed not to buy any more computer games and especially not to buy a games console.

If life does turn out to be too short for me, then I do not want my final achievement to be a high score on Halo.

I do wish I could figure out how to get file sharing working between my Mac and my PC, though.

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Your e-mails to Ivan

Looking forward will become easier, but no-one can ever take tomorrow for granted. I try to remember the wise words in the last verse of "Fare Well" by W. de la Mare whenever "real-life" doesn't get in the way. I was diagnosed with cancer in Nov 2001, but I'm fine now, thanks to some pretty aggressive treatment. Being able to write your column shows that you are a strong and positive man. Give yourself permission to take time to heal emotionally as well as physically. Good luck for March - my next check-up is then too.
Chris C, UK

Your writings are a true inspiration for many. I am confident you can plan months in advance. We are definitely not going to let you stop writing. Not now, and not in years. If you want to make a visit to Vietnam, let me know - it will be my honour.
Jordi Carrasco-Munoz, Spain (now in Vietnam)

Your honesty, courage and clarity of thought and expression help me to realise how beautiful life is and to value the things that are important. I pray for you and think positive thoughts for you. I hope that may be in some tiny way a payback for all that you have given me.
Colin Keyser, England

God Bless you, Ivan. Hang on in there and keep fighting. Everyone here is rooting for you and if good wishes alone could cure this then you'd be cured right now. You're in my thoughts.
S. Cohen, UK

Well done - you've made it this far. Now life is a new 'normal'. I am a six-year breast cancer survivor and live by my mother's philosophy (she was a 19-year survivor) - "I live with this and every now and then I just kick it out of the way." Sounds to me like you're on the right track. The medical profession doesn't know the word "cure" - but we do. Check out the Chicken Soup series of books for a good read and putting things in perspective. Be well.
AP, Canada

I work in a hospital complaints office and enjoy reading your tumour diary as it reminds me that it is possible to stay positive despite all the odds. I also work as a volunteer in a cancer support centre and you have been an inspiration to me on a personal as well as a professional level. My prayers are with you. Can't help with the Mac problem, sorry! Enjoy your time, whatever you do.
Paula, Salford, UK

I wonder if you have ever thought the radiation from the computer has had anything to do with the tumour after spending so many years on it? Good luck in the future and a speedy recovery; God bless.
Mick Jones, West Yorkshire

Hope you have a great time in Hong Kong. We are awaiting scan results at the moment; my boyfriend had a big op last November for pancreatic cancer. I find that Celebdaq at the BBC Choice website is a great distraction!!!
Helen Druce, UK

He never spoke about it and I can understand that too Phyllis McQuillan, UK

I am amazed at you, what a positive spirit you have. You have helped me considerably to come to terms with my brother who had a tumour, I can now understand more of how he felt, he never spoke about it and I can understand that too. However, I am very happy you have a lovely little girl and no doubt a beautiful wife. Have a good holiday in Hong Kong, wish I could go with you.
Phyllis McQuillan, UK

All the best with everything - you deserve to be happy and healthy. For more inspiration and guidance, try reading A Shadow in Tiger Country by Tim and Louise Arthur - another real eye-opener!
Jo Sharp, UK

I have been reading your column with great interest from the start. Have you seen the information available on the web concerning vitamin B17? I have had breast cancer and am going to try the recommendations - I have a local doctor who is promoting B17.
Karen Mills, UK

Desert the keyboard!! Craig, England

Well done, Ivan... A little closer each week to being back in the "real" world with the rest of us. Your column is priceless encouragement and confidence in the midst of a sad world. But being a longstanding computer techie, I can say with conviction that they are nothing more than a tedious, badly designed, unreliable waste of time and effort, so although I know you will reach a ripe old age, I think you should still desert the keyboard, and spend every available minute with the people who really matter!! Time passes too quickly for every one of us!! All the very best...
Craig, England

I have read your column and would like you to know that I will hold you and your family in my prayers for continued health. In my church there is a healing ministry and I will be asking others to pray for complete health for you. You really are an inspiration to other people. I have suffered health scares in the past and know what the waiting can do.
Linda Warren, Scotland

Have read almost every week. Glad to hear you are feeling better. Enjoy every minute you can with your two girls. Have a good trip with your brother. Take care. Sorry can't help with computer. Can only just turn mine on.
Jen Worswick, Cumbria UK

Re: A high score in Halo - if you have thoroughly enjoyed yourself getting it, then why deny yourself the pleasure? Keep flipping those Warthogs... From a lady gamer who ought to know better!
Emma, UK

You don't have to fill the rest of your life with virtue An admirer, England

I can well understand your unwillingness to spend as much time playing on the computer, but I hope you don't feel that because you are a survivor of a terrible illness, that you have to fill the rest of your life with virtue? Why not buy some more computer games?! Allow yourself some little indulgences! Life is a gift which you are enjoying and nothing you can do can take back the past.

Personally, I am amazed by my husband's pleasure at playing computer games but he enjoys it! Enjoy your daughter, enjoy your wife but also, enjoy yourself! Good luck with "Halo" (whatever that is!)
An admirer, England

I have read your column every week and I've never written before because there wasn't much of use that I could say. Now I can happily tell you that if you get Mac OS X 10.2, your Mac and PC will work together seamlessly. It costs £99 and is available in most places that sell Macs. You have to have a relatively new Mac for it to work on though. Keep going, I'm impressed every Thursday!
Rupert Chesman, UK

Have a fantastic trip to Hong Kong to see your brother and his family. Congratulations on becoming an uncle and good luck with everything. I love your column. A real inspiration.
Catherine Tryfona, UK/Greece

You are doing an excellent one-man job of providing waiting room-type support and camaraderie Deborah, UK

I had medical insurance when I suffered multiple benign breast cysts so saw the specialist at a local private hospital. Each time I would wait in the deep pile carpeted waiting room anxiously watching the other patients sitting there looking so composed in their smart clothes reading their posh newspapers (how they could read newspapers if they were feeling as anxious as I was I could never understand), and talking in hushed tones. Eventually I reached the limit on my insurance and became an NHS patient.

I now found myself waiting in tatty overcrowded waiting rooms with ordinary, unintimidating women who would TALK to me! It made SUCH a difference. I had been apprehensive about using NHS facilities but wouldn't go back to those hushed tones and deep pile carpets. Put me in a crowd of women, all in the same boat, and I am a lot, lot happier. You are doing an excellent one-man job of providing NHS waiting room-type support and camaraderie for I guess thousands of patients across the world. Thank you!
Deborah, UK

Will you continue with your diary after your scan in March? I had a tumour cut out of my nose in September 2001. I was fortunate I did not have any further treatment after the surgery but I still have regular hospital check-ups. I am already fed up with having to visit the hospital so often, although my appointments are getting further apart and the future looks a little more solid after each visit.

I hope you too now only have boring check-ups to worry about in the future and be sent away each time with a smile on your face. Having nothing more serious to whinge about than how long you were kept waiting is quite nice really.
Liz, UK

I have followed your column for a while and you are an inspiration. I am a computer addict too, and having long battled with the problem of Macs talking to PCs for some time, I came across some software called DAVE from www.thursby.com (no I don't work for them!) which works perfectly, Macs appearing in network neighbourhood on the PCs and vice versa. Highly recommended.
John Murray, Chester UK