Tumour diary: The great escape

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour in August.

Here he describes life after radiotherapy.

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Finishing radiotherapy has meant having the chance to travel.

We have just come back from a weekend in Berlin, and, by the time this is published, we should be in Portugal for the first time, exploring the southern coast.

Getting away was wonderful and for much of the time I could completely forget the tumour.

Berlin was my home for two years in the 1980s and I felt like my old self again, excited by a place where so many layers of history are still raw and exposed.

The more my spirits lift, the more I can conceive of longer term plans

My little daughter saw plenty of new faces and took it all in her stride, laughing back at everyone who smiled at her and charming other passengers on the plane home.

I hope that she will like Portugal as much as Germany.

We will be back in time for my chemotherapy to start on 6 November.

Planning ahead

The more my spirits lift, the more I can conceive of longer term plans.

Many of them are mundane, but they are plans I would have been scared to contemplate when I was still in hospital.

I love life, and I want more of it. There are, too, plenty of people who say having faith in a future is the road to recovery.

Faith is a question which comes up again and again.

People from all over the world have e-mailed to say that they are praying for me, as have friends and family.

There is a new, experimental treatment for my condition which has shown promise in trials

I am touched that they are and I am grateful for their thoughts, even though I am not religious myself.

I was brought up without religion and the only contact I had with it was at school, where it seemed to be largely a disciplinary tactic.

It was not that I so much rejected religion as never got to know it in the first place.

Some very good friends are believers, but it seems to be so much a part of the culture they grew up in that it would seem odd for me to attempt to travel their road.

I would not describe myself as lacking in faith in any case. I have an enormous faith in the fundamental good in people.

Humans are social animals which would long since be extinct if they did not look after each other.

Their urge to understand and control the world, displayed to me daily by one particularly young example of the species, has led them to develop the science and medical technology that gives me cause for hope in the first place.

There is a new, experimental treatment for my condition which has shown promise in trials and is now entering what are called phase three trials, where people are selected randomly from a group and given either the new treatment or a placebo.

The results of this trial will take years to come through, but the treatment could be licensed in time to help me if I do get a remission and then relapse.

Fighting fatigue

The fatigue which follows radiotherapy is really starting to unfold now.

I was never a person who found it easy to get up early, but now it is a battle.

I need to sleep once or twice during the day and if I do not manage it, then I am very sleepy and very poor company in the evening.

The tiredness is not debilitating, but I cannot ignore it indefinitely. Days have always seemed too short to me and it is frustrating to have to sleep when there is so much to be done.

So, time to deal with the first item on the list - finding a bucket and spade.

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Your e-mails to Ivan

I was thinking about you only last night and wondering how you were doing. You often cross my thoughts: Stay safe.
Terry Parker, England

It would never cross my mind to pray for you! Deborah Hubbard, South Africa

Ivan, I wish you a long and healthy life with your little girl and, I hope, at least one more child. But it would never cross my mind to pray for you! It has always seemed to me that people who claim that prayers are answered are in fact claiming to control their own God or gods, and this looks very dubious to me.

My nephew is an oncologist, a very sensitive man who says the joy of being able to cure so many patients who would, until quite recently, have been beyond help is a source of great joy to him, and the treatments available are improving all the time. So, hang in there, get your rest and have fun. I look forward to reading your excellent journalism on less personal topics, once you have recovered.
Deborah Hubbard, South Africa

I am so impressed by your attitude: yes I have a tumour; yes I'm getting on with my life and finding enjoyment in the little things and my family. Inspiring. Respect.
Will, UK

I have recently been told that my daughter will get cancer Neill Brettell, England

My wife died of cancer nine years ago and I have recently been told that my daughter has inherited the faulty gene and will get cancer. This has affected my long term planning. Always think of today. Always do what you want to do today, Never put off anything until tomorrow. Live life now, let tomorrow come when it wants
Neill Brettell, England

I am not a religious person either, but if there is some higher body, I wish with all my heart that they make you better! My thoughts are with you, and I hope you have a relaxing holiday! Good luck Ivan - stay positive, as positivity is definitely a cure! xx
Emily, England

Yes faith and HOPE does help - doesn't matter what you call it. There is life after cancer, I am a living witness to that! You are in my prayers. God heal you completely.
Patricia, Zimbabwe

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma and went through chemo, radio and a bone marrow transplant. I have been clear for over five years but it is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. To be given such a diverse perspective on life at an early age showed me how much life had to offer, and how much I wanted to enjoy it. I also went travelling as part of my convalescence, and spent a very enjoyable six months in NZ! Ivan is absolutely correct about his faith in our species and technology. The vast majority of people are caring, generous and supportive. Best of luck with the treatment and here's to a happy, fun-filled future!
Jim Emmison, UK

I have no story to tell like the ones detailed here, but I read your article every week with amazement. Your ability to stay so positive at such a challenging time is a true asset. I wish you and your family well. Keep writing, you are such an inspiration to me and everyone who has a story. With kind regards,
Mary Walsh, England

I hate cancer Des, Wales

Having been ignorant to cancer like many people until last year, I had a rude awakening by a member of my family. I hate cancer for taking that person away from us; we don't see it until its in front of our eyes.
Des, Wales

"I love life, and I want more of it." I don't think I've ever seen it put more succinctly. Thank you for 'earthing' me today. I think we all live with a dread that something might go horribly wrong one day with the machine that we call 'self'. Indeed we all know that ultimately the battery will run out. The future for any of us can only be viewed from the here and now. I think you are living now with crisper focus and sharper tone. I'd say you are getting more than most from your future already. I really enjoyed your writing this morning. Thank you. As I write this I hope you are enjoying Portugal to the full and I hope that you have many more journeys and travels still to enjoy to the full with your family. I'd like to wish you continued strength and courage.
Ian Spicer, Buckinghamshire

For too long there has been a stigma James Williams, UK

As the saying goes, there are lies, damn lies, statistics, then accountants. Don't put too much faith in statistics because you can prove anything with them. For too long there has been a stigma about cancer. I feel that Ivan, you are an inspiration to a lot of people and your reports are giving people comfort and hope.
James Williams, UK

Thank you for your bravery and your honesty. Not many people can capture the simultaneous feelings of fear and calm that come with facing a severe illness, much less explain the strange faith one has in the situation, regardless of your religious beliefs. In the end, your courage is a belief unto itself - and that is the most moving and inspiring thing of all.
Spencer Hall, USA

I must admit to feeling a little down and depressed before reading your stories, now I realise how precious life is. God bless you and keep fighting, you will win and be so much stronger from your ordeal.
Andrew King, Canada

I wish you and your family all the strength in the world. Keep writing, keep laughing.
Karen Sime, UK

I know this may sound a little bizarre but you really aren't facing this alone. I thought about you today as I was walking across the bridge in Exeter, coming into work. I wondered what you were thinking and how you are feeling. It's not just your strength that will fight the tumour you have, but also the collective strength of strangers that you have reached by letting us in.
Liz Gold-Lewis, England

All the best, be strong Matt Simpson, UK

Cancer touches many of us, all I can say is do the best you can by people in the time you have, forget any petty arguments you had and forgive, and mainly, live. All the best, be strong.
Matt Simpson, UK

I would just like to wish you the best of luck with everything, I watched my father go through the same thing a few years ago.
Laurie, UK

Hearing about cancer used to fill me with horror. Now it makes me want to live life less selfishly and take notice of small things and pleasures.
Julian, UK

He is almost glad he had cancer C Griffith, UK

My partner was diagnosed with cancer in his twenties, and went through rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Now in his early thirties, he has shown no signs of the cancer re-occurring for almost a decade. He has told me that he is almost glad he had cancer - it changed his attitude to life and made him more relaxed about what the future holds. He has a positive and balanced perspective on life which I really admire. Of course I'm not saying that having cancer is a good thing, but there are positive sides to the experience. Many of us go through life without sensing the important and beautiful things around us - from your writing it is clear that for you these things have been brought into sharp focus.
C Griffith, UK

I will meditate and pray that you will get well. Kind regards,
Kambiz Shahri, Switzerland

Following your every step with great hope. Hang in there.
Ashley, Scotland

I get such lovely reassurance Ken Murcott, UK

I have prostate cancer which has spread to my spine and ribs. I am very fortunate to live near a day hospice which I attend two days a week. The staff are deeply caring and I get such lovely reassurance from them and from other cancer sufferers, many who are on the mend and I feel strong enough to take heart and to visualise the growth's destruction. Love and best wishes,
Ken Murcott, UK