10 MEMORABLE HOMER SIMPSON QUOTES
• "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!"
• [Reading computer manual] "To start, press any key. Where's the 'Any' key?"
• "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
• "I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."
• "I have feelings too - like 'My stomach hurts' or 'I'm going crazy'
• "Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"
• "Pffft, English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
• Homer: "Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy."
Marge: "What's that?"
Homer: [thinks] "A dinosaur."
• Marge: "Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday."
Homer: "Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"
10 MEMORABLE BLACKBOARD QUOTES
• I will not yell 'She's dead' during roll call.
• I will not surprise the incontinent.
• SpongeBob is not a contraceptive.
• My butt does not deserve a website.
• Fish do not like coffee.
• I will not laminate dog doo.
• Frankincense is not a monster.
• The capital of Montana is not "Hannah".
• Silly string is not a nasal spray.
• Nobody reads these anymore.