By David Willis
Journalist David Willis is taking six months off from the BBC to try to make it as an actor in Hollywood. In his latest diary entry he gears up for his first love scene.
It was early evening in Hollywood, the setting sun was casting long shadows across LA's famously linear landscape, and I was about to kiss Kelly.
Discussions begin - on opposite ends of the couch
It was one of those moments when acting seemed a perfectly sensible way of making a living.
Kelly is a California blonde with big eyes and a sweet nature. She is also a serious actress who has just landed a part in a network sitcom.
As she glanced across at me - the accidental actor, puckered and ready to pounce, Kelly could have been forgiven for wondering how it had come to this.
The answer to that question was Scott Colomby, who runs a weekly acting workshop which I had just joined.
As well as coaching other people how to act, Scott is a star in his own right, having featured in a string of hit movies and TV series, among them Porky's - once described as the "grandest of all teenage comedies".
Scott had paired Kelly and I together in a scene in which she played a ruthless career woman and I was a devious colleague, seeking to blackmail her.
Scott (right) tells David it's time for some love action
After we ran through the scene for the first time, Scott delivered his verdict:
"It's fine but I think you need to plant a kiss on her at the end."
I'm not sure who was more stunned - Kelly or me.
So it was that I found myself sitting on Kelly's leopard skin couch a few days later about to lock lips.
Before leaving home I had spent ten minutes rehearsing my lines and the best part of three hours flossing my teeth and daubing myself with after-shave.
Kelly seemed a little nervous and I was keen to dispel the notion that I was some sort of libidinous limey. We talked earnestly about the kiss and I said that in the context of the play it should be predatory rather than lustful.
That seemed to come as a relief and we settled down to practice. The first time we did it, I somehow managed to yank off one of her earrings. I'm not quite sure how it happened but somehow I became caught up in the moment and lost my balance.
The second time I took aim with such conviction that Kelly recoiled with a yelp and I thought for a moment that I had bitten off part of her tongue.
Kelly Mullis puckers up as David goes in for the kill
But as the evening wore on we gradually became more co-ordinated, and by the time I had to leave (coincidentally just minutes before Kelly's rather large boyfriend arrived home) I thought we had it down to a fine art.
I felt like telling her that she was a good kisser but that seemed like a clumsy line from a first date, so instead I shook her firmly by the hand and said something very English along the lines of, "It was a pleasure to meet you," before heading off into the sunset.
A few weeks later the kiss made its debut before a live audience at a showcase for Hollywood agents and talent scouts.
Kelly stole the show, whilst I took comfort in being told by a gay man that if I put my mind to it I could cultivate sexual charisma.
Eat your heart out Daniel Craig - you may be 007 but you haven't been kissing Kelly.