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Last Updated: Friday, 11 March, 2005, 13:48 GMT
Dave Allen's comic quotes
Dave Allen
Allen's material often focused on sex and religion
Comedian Dave Allen, who has died at the age of 68, was best known for his dry-humoured TV shows, Tonight With Dave Allen and Dave Allen at Large.

His routines, delivered while perched on a stool holding a glass of whiskey, were considered ground-breaking for the way in which they took satirical swipes at topics including sex and religion.

"He tried to show the hypocrisies of the world as well as its funny side," said the BBC's head of comedy Jon Plowman, paying tribute to Allen.

Here are some of his most famous quotes:

  • "I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and realise it's me."

  • "Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers."

  • "I don't go out of my way to be outrageous, I just go out of my way to look at things."

  • "I'm an Atheist...thank God."

  • "I've stopped smoking...I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight."

  • "A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way."

  • "We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock."

  • "If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment."

  • "Don't mourn for me now, don't mourn for me never - I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever (what Allen said he would like to have inscribed on his tombstone) "

  • "Goodnight, thank you, and may your God go with you"


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