EastEnders actor Chris Parker has broken his silence on his attempted suicide bid which followed a tabloid story about his private life.
Chris Parker asked to leave EastEnders straight away
The 21-year-old told OK! magazine he slashed his wrists and took an overdose of paracetamol after checking into a London hotel in November.
He said he was in a desperate state after a woman claimed he had lied about a relationship to hide that he was gay.
He said the gay rumours were false and had made him out to be a liar.
"I really wanted it to work. It was never a cry for help - I'd just had enough," Parker told OK! magazine.
He said he took the tablets and a set of knives with him to the hotel and attempted several times to slash his wrists.
"I was in a lot of pain and I just wanted to pass out. I was in a cycle of sleeping for 20 minutes, puking for 20 minutes and then cutting my wrists for 20 minutes.
"I tried to jump out of the window but was too scared and kept chickening out."
'Pick up the pieces'
He was eventually discovered by two of his friends who found him struggling to breathe after losing four pints of blood.
Parker joined EastEnders as Spencer Moon in 2002
He was taken to hospital where he received stitches and was told he had done no lasting damage to his body.
He now says the suicide attempt was stupid but he had reached the stage of desperation when he heard the kiss-and-tell story was to be published.
"I'd had such a successful year and I felt as though it was all about to go down the drain," he said.
"I didn't want to have to face anyone the next day or have to pick up the pieces.
"I just wanted an easy way out - it's a coward's way out but I just wanted out."
Parker had been due to leave EastEnders later this year but following his stay in hospital he asked producers to let him go straight away.