Australia revisits its darkest hour

By Phil Mercer BBC correspondent in Sydney

One of the darkest and most painful years in modern Australian history will be commemorated in Bali on Sunday.

On 12 October 2002 two bombs killed 202 people, 88 of them Australian.

It was a day that changed countless lives forever. This weekend's anniversary will be emotional and challenging.

The bombings were Australia's worst civilian disaster since WW II

Erik de Haart lost six friends in the attack. He was outside the Sari nightclub when the car bomb exploded.

He'll join 600 Australian survivors and relatives of the dead for a special service in Bali. It'll be the first time the accountant from Sydney has travelled back to the Indonesian holiday island since last October.

He returns with a sense of both nervousness and defiance.

"It'll bring back all the memories of looking among all the bodies for the guys who died," he said.

"I want to show the buggers responsible they haven't changed my life, they won't change my life, and I'll still live life on my terms."

Many of the survivors were closer to death than to life in the aftermath of the bombings.

That bravado that Australians always had has gone Victim Erik de Haart

Peter Hughes was so badly burned not even his son could recognise him. Much of his face had melted in the ferocity of the explosion inside Paddy's Bar.

He has described confronting the wave of shrapnel unleashed by the bomber like trying "to dodge a million bullets".

One year on, the physical pain has subsided but - as he explained to BBC News Online - the memories remain as clear as ever.

At one stage doctors gave him a 5% chance of survival. Such adversity has engendered a fierce determination.

"I have more purpose in my life now," he said. "I've moved on and most of the other people from Bali are trying to move on as well."

He told the BBC that he feels "wonderful and very positive" about the future.

The Bali attack had an enormous impact on Australia's self-image

He's involved in a pioneering skin research charity in his hometown in Perth and has just released a book detailing his amazing experiences.

If ever the title of a publication truly revealed the story inside, it's Back from the Dead.

In Australia this weekend a minute's silence will be held to remember the day the country's traditional sense of isolated security was blown away.

"In the past we always had the attitude that we're the happy-go-lucky guys who everyone loves. That's a false impression," said Erik de Haart. "That bravado that Australians always had has gone."

Australia still feels vulnerable. The government's aggressive foreign policy, including its combat role in Iraq and the military intervention in the Solomon Islands, is a response to Bali and the 11 September attacks on the US.

No-one can predict how long this muscular vigilance will go on for.

For many of the survivors of the Bali atrocity, the pain of 12 October will never fade.

"People ask me about closure," Mr de Haart said. "But we'll never achieve closure. It will never go away. Each night I still dream about the bodies and the burned people."