Lesotho Aids diary: Nurse

The BBC is following the lives of seven people from the community of St Rodrigue, in Lesotho, who will share their hopes and fears as they each struggle to live with and work through the country's HIV/Aids crisis.

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Thakane Motete | Nurse | St Rodrigue

I became a nurse in 2006.

Age: 26 Lives: St Rodrigue Occupation: Nurse Wishes I wish that this clinic could be renovated so it could be larger, with more rooms for us to work and treat our patients and an area for the patients with TB. I wish that we had more nurses to help us here. There are not enough. I also wish that nurses could get money for risk-allowance. It would be good because we are exposed to different strains of TB. Lesotho Aids diary: main page

I work for St Rodrigue's primary healthcare clinic as a nurse, but I am supported by the Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) doctors and nurses.

My mother died in May 2007 from an Aids-related illness.

Even though she was very sick, she did not get tested until the end of 2006, so until then she did not know she had HIV. I think she had been afraid to find out. She was only on ARVs for six weeks before she passed away.

After my mother tested positive, I tested my youngest brother. The day after I did the test, he died. He had tested positive. He was only 10 years old.

When I found out that my mother had HIV, I was not afraid, because I knew about the disease.

I knew that she was terminally ill, but I still hoped and hoped that she would get better.

My father left home in 2001 and he refuses to get tested.

I am now responsible for my 19-year-old brother and my sister who is 25. She has two children and she is not married, so I help her look after them.

I do not mind this responsibility, I just cope. I do not know how to explain how I cope, but I do. I guess that you just have to get on with life and keep living. There is nothing else you can do, except to go on.

I got tested for HIV both before my mother had her test and again after she tested positive. My results were negative both times.

You know, I am more afraid of cancer than I am of HIV. Before I was tested, I had met so many people in the hospital through my work as a nurse who were living openly and positively with HIV. I could see they were just like me - people who laughed and cried - people living with a disease.

Mountains

I think that my own family experience helps me to be a better nurse. I can use my background to empower others. When patients come to me, worried and panicking, I can tell them that they are not alone, it also happens to others.

I can tell them that I have been affected by HIV in my own family and I understand. I can tell them it is not the worst disease - I tell them that cancer, or hypertension or diabetes are just as chronic - that HIV is like any other disease and when you get tested on time, start your treatment and stick to it it is manageable.

Sometimes it is extremely sad to see a patient die because you do not have enough resources. There are too many patients, not enough nurses, and even fewer doctors.

We provide free services at St Rodrigue. We see between 40 and 70 patients each day.

Some come from so far away they need to be seen so that they can return home across the mountains before it gets dark.

Progress

What I like most about my job is that now I can see progress.

Sometimes, when patients come to our clinic they are very, very sick. I convince them to go for Voluntary Testing and Counselling, so they can be tested for HIV.

If the patient finds out he is HIV-positive then he gets counselling again and we see if he needs to start on the ARV treatment. Once he is 'initiated' on ARVs, I can follow his progress and see if his health starts to improve.

That is what I like about my job. With the free treatment, we can help more people to stay alive, to live their lives.