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Thursday, 13 January, 2000, 19:34 GMT
Standing up to standing charges

Show me the money: Charges drain your change


By BBC News Online's Ryan Dilley

British Gas customers will no longer have to stump up for "standing charges". Now they will only pay for the gas they actually use.

Is this the death knell for those niggling charges which blight modern life?

Some people may grumble that VAT - the value added tax payable on such luxuries as champagne, caviar and sanitary towels - is tantamount to paying for the privilege of spending.

However, more of us are irked by the unofficial tax on the way we chose to pay - the much-hated credit card booking fee.

Painful charges
Booking fees
Directory Inquiries
Cash point charges
Paying for sauce sachets
Internet call charges
Phoning mobiles
Entry fees to pubs
Entry fees to toilets
Deposits for trolleys
Putting theatre or concert tickets on your plastic can add £1.50 per person to your monthly bill.

The thrifty might prefer to nip to the closest cash point - careful that the hole-in-the-wall machine they select is affiliated with their own bank.

Some banks charge non-customers for making withdrawals. For an unlucky few there is also the double-whammy of "disloyalty fees" imposed by their own bank for having the audacity to use a rival's cash machine.

Some high street names have ended such fees following a storm of criticism - if you get stung, call your branch to complain. You can get their number from Directory Inquiries - for a price.

Toilet fees: Money down the drain
Dial 192 and for 35p - including VAT - you can request two searches. And if the operator can find the number you want, you will be treated to a rendition by a computer-generated voice similar in tone to a Noel Coward heroine.

"Tha numb-ba ewe re-choir is oh, won, ate... "

Interestingly, Irish callers to Telecom Eireann's directory service are at least soothed by the lilting voice of Conor Mullen - brother of U2 drummer Larry Mullen.

If the number you want turns out to be a mobile phone, you may view the 192 charge as a drop in the ocean. Calling a friend's mobile phone can cause even the grimiest pay phone to impersonate a Las Vegas slot machine.

Bog standard

Pumping all you change into a public telephone may see you left frustratingly short, if you're caught short in public.

Paying to use the toilets in major railway stations is the bugbear of countless commuters. Those unwilling or unable to wait until their train leaves the platform can face a 20p fee.

In a modern democracy people treasure three inalienable rights - life, liberty and access to copious amounts of tomato ketchup.

There is little more controversial in the catering industry than charging for sachets of sauces.

Most consumers think it preposterous when they are charged 10p for condiments to accompany their £3 meal.

Conversely, the chains who dole out tommy sauce and mayo as if they were very cheap, win the admiration of diners on a par to them single-handedly wiping out Third World debt.

The sauce of it

There are countless other minor charges which dog our leisure time and working lives.

Most seem miserly to the point of being counterproductive.

Metered internet call charges have been blamed in some quarters for slowing the development of the web in the UK and denying industry - even telephone companies - access to the benefits of e-commerce.

"Give me my quid back!"
You don't even have to be out of pocket to find corporate penny-pinching a pain.

Few of us have actually lost the £1 deposits asked by many supermarkets, to use their shopping trolleys - although some may have lost fingers trying to reclaim coins from the vicious security mechanism.

But not only is it galling that shops don't trust us to be responsible with the wretched things - this financial arm-twisting to return trolleys right to the supermarket door robs junior staff of a cherished perk.

Trolley collecting has long offered the perfect opportunity for a crafty cigarette.

They'll be taxing smoking next.

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See also:
13 Jan 00 |  UK
British Gas to end standing charges
14 Sep 99 |  Your Money
Barclays ATM charge infuriates rivals
07 Dec 99 |  Business
BT offers unmetered net access
27 Dec 97 |  UK
UK phone numbers on the Net? No chance!

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