So why do you deserve more cash?

The Magazine's Friday Challenge
Should you choose to accept it...

Violinists in a German orchestra are demanding a pay rise because they play more notes than the other musicians.

The brass, woodwind, and percussion just have it easy, as regards the sheer number of notes they need to read, learn and play, the violinists maintain.

It's certainly a novel approach to pay claims - certainly more imaginative than arguments about hours, lunch breaks, or job titles.

And if it works for the violinists, it's surely worth a go in your own job. Here are your most novel reasons as to why you deserve more pay than your colleagues.

I am worth far more than my boss, because not only do I agree with everything he says (thus saving time debating) but I also then ignore it completely (thus saving the time I would have spent doing it his way, and then putting it right).
Madmarce, UK

I'd like a little bit extra for not being rude to the Job Centre staff when I go in to sign on.
Catherine O, UK

My halitosis, flatulence and terrible body odour problems are a constant source of humour and make me the butt of all company jokes. This creates comradery and unity amongst the rest of the employees. I should therefore be rewarded for my contribution to corporate team building.
Daron, US

Women should get bonuses for keeping their legs well-shaven and therefore being more aero-dynamic, thus moving more efficient around the office.
Anna Pile, Saaf Lundan, UK

The infectious grooves and rhythms that emanate from my continuously tapping fingers provide a natural and relaxing backdrop for myself and the rest of colleagues to work to, thus helping to sustain a consistently productive working speed and thoroughly stress-free working environment.
Chuck, UK

I visit the ladies only on my breaks and avoid looking in the mirror (because, let's face it - who looks good at work?). I therefore feel I should be rewarded for the time I save not touching up my make-up and chatting to female colleagues about botox and school runs (I also don't have kids).
Georgina, UK

I'm a barman and get very angry at people very quickly, making me loathe to serve them. I should get an award from the local authority for being mean to drunks.
Ed, UK

My low productivity means that the valuable computer equipment I use depreciates at a slower rate. Surely this must be worth something?
Ben, UK

I send the funniest jokes around the office via email thus enhancing everybody's day. Searching for such material takes time and I should be compensated for this.
Alex, Liverpool, UK

I spend a lot of time gazing out of the window. Therefore, I am effectively acting like a security guard as well as doing my own job. I should receive a double salary.
David Cope, UK

As a junior copywriter, my company charges clients about one pound for every word I write (on average). By that infallible logic, you now owe me £29. Make that £33.
Dave Mikey, UK

Because I never meet any of our customers, by virtue of hiding in my office all day, I have never been responsible for them cancelling a contract - I reckon the company owes me a percentage of that saving.
Giovanni, Scotland

I always get the coffee in for multiple colleagues at the same time. This may mean that I'm away from my desk for half an hour, but if I fetch 30 coffees, each saving one person two minutes, it's only taking half the time it normally would! I reckon this saves the department of 180 people 3 hours per day in total at an average of £15 per person per hour, so I should have an extra £45 per day on my salary.
Kerry Howells, England, UK

When first employed my Chief Executive said "Never be afraid of being caught staring out of the window; for that thinking time is probably the most productive period of the day." By this definition I am the most productive person in the organisation.
Andy Ibbs, UK

As a smoker, i would like to take the money i would of got for my pension now.
Bob, UK

I should have more pay than most of my colleagues as I have more computer screens that them (I currently have 4 screens)
Ian Stuart, Edinburgh

I am a professional dog walker. I think I deserve more pay because, as my legs are shorter than my male colleagues' legs, I have to take more steps and consequently walk further every day.
Ann Cooper, England

We should have a pay bonus based on the number of bytes used on our computer hard disks. (The more we use the more cost effective it must be.)
Dougie Lawson, Basingstoke, UK

I use the phone a lot and I'm a good listener. So as there are more "0"s sent than "1"s by the digital phone system, I'm saving electricity for my company and I deserve a share of that.
Gavin, France

I must deserve more than my colleagues as I have to make up the time I spend reading the Magazine (and therefore not technically working) after work and, recently, over the weekend. I have done a total of 40 hours outside normal work time this month and receive not a penny more than my salary.
Ben Stamp, England

Because I'm worth it?
Mark, UK

As I spend most of my time re-arranging personal loans during work time just to make ends meet, a pay rise would mean that I would not have to do this. Think of the benefits, I would be more productive and save the telephone bill?
Jeremy , Munich, Germany

I'm only 5ft 7, whereas the majority of my workmates are pushing 6ft or over. Therefore I take up less valuable office space. I feel my pay packet should reflect this.
Jim Pitman, UK

Non-smokers like myself should get more pay than smokers as we don't nip off every half an hour for a cigarette.
Andrew Lloyd, UK

Having failed to do any work at all for the past few years, I have made far fewer mistakes than other employees.
Serena, UK