The Lunchtime Bonus Question

Welcome to the Lunchtime Bonus Question.

The rules are simple. Every day at 1030 GMT we give you an answer. You then tell us what the question was.

Marks are deducted for predictability, and a selection of your most wrong questions are published each day until about 1500 GMT when the actual question is revealed.

This week's winner of the Lunchtime Achievement Award is Ian Amis for his contemptibly wrong question on Tuesday. Accepting the award, he said: "I would just like to thank the Academy and the LBQ team and my old headmaster who said I would never amount to much. How right you were."

FRIDAY

Friday's answer is "A BLEEP-EMITTING PINGER"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What did Condoleezza Rice find on the ground?
Neil Webber, Bristol

What device led to my incarceration for anonymous phone calls and poison pen letters?
232410, Wormwood Scrubs

The title for Book 6 will be Harry Potter and the ________ ?
Guy Waguespack, Houston, Texas, US

What would Dr Spooner call a gansta rappa who gives brief glances?
Robin, Edinburgh

What kind of pendant should you not wear when you are walking through airport security?
AM, UK

What's the worst thing Colin Pillinger can find in his bottom drawer?
K T, Pretoria, South Africa

What should my yet-to-arrive, divine but handy key-ring have fitted so I can trace it within the Cyprus mail system?
Sara, Limassol

What's the unofficial Spelling Bee classification of the word 'onomatopoeia'?
VB, Watford

What have I installed on my pc to alert me if my question is posted on the LBQ website?
Adrian H, Southampton

Morse code. Lesson 1. Can anyone tell me what this is called?
David Edwards, Bury St Edmunds

How would you describe those LBQ entries that end with ... no wait?
Peter Harrison, Ashingdon, Essex

Following Atomic Kitten's split, what will producers replace Natasha's vocals with on the Greatest Hits album?
Helene Parry, Twickenham

What was Ozzy Osbourne fitted with when last in Hospital
Peter, London

What did Magnus Magnusson's sidekick enter on a recent job application form under 'Previous Job Title'?
JW, Leeds

What was Greg Rudeski known as last year at Wimbledon
Martin, Leeds

What's the technical term for that dohickey gadget in Holby City that tells you a character is alive or dead?
Stephen Buxton, Coventry, UK

...and rhyming slang for a minger is what?
Keith, Hertfordshire

What did we forget to install in Beagle 2?
Trevor Mercer, Castleford

What's the opposite of a ping-emitting bleeper?
Ian Amis, London

Don't count your chickens without what?
Trevor Mercer, Castleford

What do you get when your microwave oven learns to speak pager?
Oliver Vass, New Zealand

When asked to prove that he wasn't a techno-klutz, how did President Bill Clinton describe e-mail?
Richard Edwards, London

When you hear Eminem on the radio, what could you describe him as... no wait.
Sam, Cheltenham

All wrong. The correct question was what device do conservationists want to fix to fishing nets to prevent dolphins getting caught up in them?

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THURSDAY

Thursday's answer is "TWEAKING THE DRAB BROWN SCENERY"

Entries are now closed. Wrong answers included:

What possible justification can there be for the architecture of red brick universities (or Milton Keynes for that matter)?
Nick Fresson, Reading

Summarize Impressionism.
Candace, New Jersey, US

What are the contestants on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here doing?
Adrian Cooper, Bath, UK

On the National Theatre's Centenary
They established a brain-storming plenary.
This fine new committee
Made plays much more pretty,
By ...
Tim G, London, UK

Gordon, what on earth are you doing with those eyelash curlers?
Charles Frean, Bedford, Massachusetts, US

"No, Mr President, that's not 'clear evidence of WMD tests'. That's a kaleidoscope, not the telescope we gave you to look through for the purposes of ..."
Dave, Cheltenham

Why do people decorate their tents at Glastonbury?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

How did Slartibartfast make the Norwegian Fjords?
Dougie Lawson, Basingstoke, UK

What did God have in mind when he created zebras?
Janet Beavis, Nottingham

Can you tell what it is yet?
Frank, Scotland

Feng Shui Farming. Discuss.
Martin, Leeds

Full haircut sir, or just a bit of ...?
Nick, Newcastle upon Tyne

Define retouching daguerreotypes ?
Chris

After a bout of fisticuffs with "Joseph", my role as "Mary" in the school nativity play was reduced to what?
Katy B, Surrey

What's the Eastenders set designer's job description?
Mel, Barnsley

Why did John Lennon wear rose tinted spectacles?
Richard Sockett, Sheffield, England

Mr Titchmarsh, what on earth are you doing in my back yard?
Brian, Portsmouth

What caused Turner's eyesight to deteriorate so fast?
Jane Willis, Fleet

Putting the chancellor in a purple suit and polka dot tie is a failed attempt at what?
Mark Williamson, Dunfermline

What is the politically correct phrase for cleaning the toilet?
Si Griffin, London, UK

Damian Hirst's attempt to cover Lincolnshire with giant multicoloured dots?
Abe, Lincoln

Ground Force Australia's Outback episodes mostly involve what?
Matt, Windsor, UK

In a mountain greenery,
Where God is ...
Dawn Mansero, Bury St Edmunds, UK

Snow showers in London are known as ?
Daz, Derby, UK

What are the decorators doing at 11 Downing Street?
Chris Hunter, Bedford

Describe the effects of cannabis.
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

What would be the lowest job I would accept on Star Trek?
Shaky, Manchester

All wrong. The correct question was what has Nasa been accused of doing to its photos of Mars to confirm our impression of the Red Planet.

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WEDNESDAY

Wednesday's answer is "ALWAYS A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT THE LOFT"

Entries have now closed. Wrong questions included:

Religious conversion? OK.
Rugby conversion? Fine.
Metric conversion? No problem.
But I'm ... what?
Kip, Norwich, UK

Norman Bates. Discuss.
Adrian H, Southampton

What condition is considered a disadvantage in hide and seek?
Gav, Aberdeen

Why was UB40's rat in the kitchen?
Hadleigh Dawson, Reigate

Which of Hitchcock's more subtle primal fears inspired Vertigo?
Ross, Giggleswick, Yorkshire

What is the real motivation for the weather vane to keep working?
Helen, London

Without giving away the ending, describe the major plot device in Shallow Grave in seven words.
Max, Kidlington

Cannabis Quiz, Q 11. When police search your house for cannabis you should be?
A: Constantly terrified about the conservatory
B: Continually worried about the back bedroom
C: ...
Jason S, Southampton, UK

Why do you say we can't have a thatched cottage until I quit smoking?
Pauline Fearn

Why wasn't the Tower of Pisa's architect thinking about the foundations?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

A believer in ghosts was young Croft
After seeing a spectre that coughed
And frightened the feller
Who took to his cellar
Because he was ...
Andrea M Snow, UK

I invariably use the stairs because I'm ... no, hang on ...
Debby Worster, Worthing

What is the slang for the fear of premature baldness?
Ian Amis, London

Why don't we see more timid people on the Antiques Roadshow?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

What was the only problem with Jane Eyre's married life?
Mel, Barnsley

You say you're afraid of birds - what does that mean in practical terms?
Elizabeth, Bath

Why did Sir Edmund Hillary's achievements surprise his parents?
Ms Donna Ware, Bury St Edmunds, UK

Complete the Chinese proverb, he who makes the roof with paper ...
Ian Amis, London

Dorian Grey was what?
Robin, Herts

In Ye Old Englifhe, how would you expreff your concern about thofe who are not faved?
John Whapshott, Guildford

Mild atticophobia?
Dave Godfrey, Swindon

How has the great sky-diving disaster of 1952 affected some of the village's older residents?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

Why has Pavarotti's wife ruled that he can only practise his tap-dancing in the cellar?
Helene Parry, Twickenham

What's the motto of The Flat Roof Society?
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

Having elephants nesting upstairs makes me ...
Caroline, Berks

Dr Black should have been worried about the kitchen, the knife, and Miss Scarlet. Instead, he was what?
Neil Webber, Bristol

Why don't I like using my short irons in a game of golf?
James, UK

I know that there are no bodies under my patio but I'm ...
Ian Davies, London

Why does the artificial Christmas tree look so sad after Christmas?
Tom B, Reading, UK

All wrong. The correct question was how did a Birmingham home-owner who found tarantulas in the attic describe his reaction to the previous owner having kept spiders and snakes.

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TUESDAY

Tuesday's answer is "ANONYMOUS PHONE CALLS AND POISON PEN LETTERS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

Lonely people send themselves Christmas cards. How do you know when you are REALLY lonely?
Adam James, Leicestershire, UK

Is that Andrews woman still banging on about her favourite things?
Pedro van Pedro, mk, uk, ok.

How do computer virus writers communicate?
Alex Norris, Blackrod, Bolton

What is the square root of stalking?
Alex, Manchester

What might I expect from certain large corporations if I have a website that looks anything like their name?
David, UK

What did I receive from jam companies after starting a marmalade revolution?
David, UK

Integrated song and dance communications?
Mark, Paignton, UK

In a desperate attempt to rid themselves of an annoying reader (AMERICAN-UGH!) from Florida, what did the BBC have to resort to???
Maureen , Florida, US

What were John Lydon's two luxury items in "I'm a Celebrity..."?
Adrian H, Southampton

Valentine's greetings from Osama?
Candace, New Jersey, US

One of the worst ways to find a job?
Edward Green, Oxford

How do my family know when I am due to come and visit?
Jon Lipscombe, Reading, UK

What will you get from me if I don't win the next Lunchtime Achievement Award?
Anon, Corsten, Midsomer

Step 3 of "How to deal with rejection" is what?
Grant, Glasgow

What did I resort to when Alanis Morisette still wouldn't attempt to understand the real meaning of 'ironic'?
Phil Cheesman, Southampton

WhY oH WHy wOn'T U PUBlish mY LBq QUestiON?
Anon, Special Secret Place

What was spam of the 90s?
Niall Cavlan, Belfast

"So Q," asked Bond, "what are the voice distorter and arsenic pen for?"
Stephen H, Nottingham

The man was found dead, his tongue still attached to the envelope and a cloth over the telephone. Cause of death?
Chris Pritchett, Bristol, UK

What can you expect if you miss the tax self-assessment deadline?
Laurie Kord, UK

Since being expelled from the Mary Whitehouse Society, what have I spent most of my disposable income on?
Cat, London

Marriage Counselling Exam Q1. What should be discouraged during the cooling off period?
Robin Hughes, Cheadle, UK

My boss has just given me an objective to spend less time on what this year?
Catherine O, Maidenhead

What started happening after I forgot to enter the LBQ one lunchtime?
Si Griffin, London, UK

Name two good reasons for NOT joining the Leylandii hedge growing club.
Andrew Holdsworth, Bury, Lancs

What are two forms of communication that e-mail can't replace?
Richard Edwards, London

Why won't they let me near Brad Pittt?
Chrissie Mack, Oxford

What have 1471 and Royal Mail strikes put paid to?
Kevin Smith, Eastbourne, UK

Due to his unique way of phrasing things, what was Yoda particularly bad at?
Andrew Hardy, Nottingham

What do people always take so bloody personally?
Mike Yeaman, Newcastle upon Tyne

What is Si Griffin's secret?
Graham Campbell, Edinburgh

Evening classes for divorcees
Ian Amis, London

Apart from dead bodies, what else is Midsomer over-run with?
Janet B, Nottingham

We've contacted Beagle 2! Guess what we're receiving.
Kip, Norwich, UK

Weapons of Mass Intimidation?
Ed, Plymouth, UK

How do I tell if my fax machine hates me?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

Which communication techniques should be avoided when trying to win friends and influence people?
Amanda, Lincoln

All wrong. The correct question was what were some of the things received by a Hampshire vicar who controversially cut down a 140-year-old yew tree.

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MONDAY

Monday's answer is "HOT WATER BOTTLE, AXLE GREASE, TWEEZERS"

Entries are now closed. Wrong questions included:

What did the three wise men bring Bob the Builder?
James Ollier, Macclesfield

Along with the usual spade, boots and torch, what should any self-respecting woman keep in her car during this cold snap?
Catherine O, Maidenhead, UK

Bob Geldof announces the names of his new-born triplet girls.
Lee Crane, London

... A CUDDLY TOY ... A COMPLETE SET OF STEAK KNIFES ... A FONDU SET ...
Gerald Moynihan, London

What should I have handy when I upgrade to Windows XP?
Kip, Norwich, UK

What Not To Wear?
Mike, UK

What are the best-sellers in the Saga catalogue?
Lyn Hallett, Surrey, UK

What does it take to look like Dame Edna?
Cindy, NYC

What have Microsoft offered in return for the LBQ webpage?
Sean, Leamington Spa

What has the Mars Rover found on the red planet?
Ian Davies, London

What equipment do you need if your hamster has a difficult labour?
Jill, Cardiff

What do today's students spend their money on?
Rena D Mawson, UK

In political circles, what do they use for leaks, smears and dealing with splinter groups?
Desmona Warn, UK

Is that Andrews woman still banging on about her favourite things?
Dr Reece Walker Ph.D, LONDON UK

What three things would you need the most if you're a beauty-obsessed car mechanic who really feels the cold?
Andrew Menniss, London, UK

How did you get hold of my shopping list?
Richard Sockett, Sheffield, England

What "Evidence-of-Weapons-of-Mass-Destruction-Programmes-Related-Activites" have ACTUALLY been found so far?
Trevor Mercer, Castleford

Cold bed, rusty hinge, nasal hair. What's required?
Rob Holman, Chislehurst, Kent, England

René, René, I 'av lost zee vet celery and egg visk. Vot shall I use instead?
Martin, Harlow

What items can be used to allow men to enjoy the sensation of childbirth?
Chris Waiting, Cambridge

DIY plastic surgery kit?
Candace, New Jersey, US

What game has recently replaced stone, paper, scissors among airport security guards?
Anna, Montpellier

All Lara Croft needs for a weekend away?
Ruby, Bristol

What do you need to get a camel through the eye of a needle?
Kieran Boyle, Oxford

What items make up the most important elements of a cycling team's first aid kit?
Frances, Warsaw

There were no bombs, but what did Samantha Marson actually have in her bag?
Ibbi, Portsmouth

All wrong. The correct question was what were some of the luxuries the I'm A Celebrity... contestants packed for their sojourn in the jungle.