Commons Confidential

DIARY By Nick Assinder BBC News Online political correspondent

Gossip from the corridors of the House of Commons updated at lunchtime each weekday

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| 1230 GMT Thursday 18 December| Will the Michael Howard revolution never end?

His latest move is to re-locate the shadow cabinet rooms out of their traditional location in the House of Commons, in a suite just behind the chamber.

He has forsaken those rambling and somehow aptly Gothic surroundings for a smaller yet far more modern location in Portcullis House - you know the one, the most expensive office block in Britain where the ornamental fig trees cost the taxpayer more to maintain than the royal family.

Considering how many years Labour spent in opposition he probably fears the old rooms are haunted by the ghost of socialism...

| 1230 GMT Wednesday 17 December | Christmas may only come once a year.

But for the staff in the Palace of Westminster, putting up the Yuletide decorations comes every day.

Each morning they spend what must amount to hours lacing tinsel and baubles around the place - only to have to take them all down again at the end of the day.

Why? Because they get nicked if they don't.

So much for the season of good will.

| 1300 GMT Tuesday 16 December |

After the resignation of Tony Blair's spin doctor in chief Alastair Campbell back in the summer, a fundamental shakeup of the Downing Street media machine was announced.

A new senior civil servant, plus a deputy, will take charge and run the outfit alongside the new low profile spin doctor David Hill.

Some four months later, however, and the selection procedure for the civil service jobs has only just started.

I know the wheels of Whitehall move exceedingly slow, but could there be another explanation for the delay?

Suffice to say that whoever gets the job will not now be in post until well after Lord Hutton has reported in mid-January.

Presumably anyone expressing an interest in the job would have been smart enough to insist they were spared that particular and potentially career-affecting ordeal.

| 1530 GMT Monday 15 December | There was a huge outbreak of Christmas cheer amongst the travelling hacks and officials when it became clear the EU summit in Brussels was not about to drag on indefinitely.

When they heard the whole affair was being abandoned early, there was a rush for the trains home.

The thought of spending a free day in the historic city was outweighed by the opportunity to remind themselves what their families looked like.

Things, of course, are never that good. And there was anguish all around when it was discovered that journeys home might be delayed while an unexploded WWII bomb was being dealt with in Lille.

Not one of ours I hope?

| 1200 GMT Thursday 11 December | New Labour is dead - it's official.

Well, it is as far as the new Labour Party membership card is concerned anyway.

The last card boldly pronounced the "new" bit of the party's name, but all mention of that word has disappeared from the latest one.

And I didn't know Gordon Brown had anything to do with the printing of the membership cards.

It has also been pointed out that the new card is for life - instead of renewable. You only lose it if you quit the party.

And anybody who knows how efficient Labour Party officials are at keeping track of those who quit will understand, that means it is highly likely membership will never again fall but remain forever at its current level or increase.

Clever or what?

| 1030 GMT Wednesday 10 December | Former Tory road safety minister Peter Bottomley has signed a Commons motion condemning drivers who risk lives by speeding and calling on the government to get tough with offenders.

A close examination of the motion shows Mr Bottomley has added the letter R after his name, meaning he is declaring a relevant interest in the subject.

Presumably that interest is the fact that he was recently banned from driving for six months after committing four speeding offences in two years.

A relevant interest indeed.

| 1230 GMT Tuesday 9 December |

This may or may not make the national institution that is Ozzy Osbourne feel better - but the prime minister is thinking of him.

Tony Blair's official spokesman was asked about the former Black Sabbath singer's quad bike accident during his daily press briefing.

"The prime minister sends him his best wishes," he declared.

So, Ozzy, the people's prince of darkness then.

| 1230 GMT Monday 8 December |

He probably won't see it as a badge of honour - but Tony Blair has passed the Tebbit test.

This is the hugely controversial suggestion by former Tory chairman Norman Tebbit that you could test British Asians' loyalties by asking them which side they supported in a cricket test between England and Pakistan.

Well, with sport dominating the news at the moment, the prime minister's spokesman was asked who his boss would support in a match between England and Scotland.

Apparently, England. And I thought the prime minister claimed a Scottish background.

I sense trouble ahead on that one.

| 1200 GMT Friday 5 December | Kensington and Chelsea has always been one of the glamour seats in the Commons.

The constituency revelled in Alan Clark and then Michael Portillo, whose decision to leave it at the next election has started a frantic game of "me, me, me" amongst would-be replacements.

Currently just about any Tory looking for a safe seat is having his or her hat thrown into the ring - either with or without their permission.

But the latest suggestion takes the biscuit. It is being whispered that Mr Madonna himself, Guy Ritchie, would like to move into politics.

Apparently his mum is a pivotal figure in the local Conservative association. That would certainly keep the constituency being talked about.

| 1530 GMT Thursday 4 December| William Hague was always the most entertaining of Tory leaders - and we've seen enough of them lately to make a considered judgement about that.

And, as he showed at a lunch for political journalists in Westminster, he hasn't lost his touch.

In one insight, he told how opposition leaders plan to catch out the prime minister during question time.

The trick is to keep the question short and with the key point at the end - to ensure the PM doesn't have time to look up the answer in his file full of civil service briefs - and to make it so unexpected that he wouldn't find the answer there anyway.

Secondly, he declared, it is always a good idea to ask a question that only has a "yes" or "no" answer - either of which would be wrong.

For example, he said, he once considered asking Tony Blair if he believed in Santa Claus..

If he said no, he would have ruined Christmas for the nation's children. If he said yes, he would have looked ridiculous.

"I could not ask him, of course, because then I would have looked ridiculous and we couldn't have had that."

Mr Hague was also reminded of the famous speech he made from the platform at Tory conference when he was just a teenager.

He looked at his party and told them half of them would not be there in 30 or 40 years' time.

"In fact I look around now they are still on the platform," he said.

| 1530 GMT Wednesday 3 December |

Deep despair in Tory Central Office, I am told, over the decision by mayoral candidate Steve Norris to accept the chairmanship of construction firm Jarvis - the one being investigated over the Potters Bar rail crash.

While he has obviously done nothing improper there is a feeling it looks like he knows he can't win and needs a job to go to.

And Jarvis isn't exactly the most popular company in Britain.

Still, there may yet be light at the end of the tunnel (as it were).

Some Tories are whispering that, if Ken Livingstone is readmitted to the Labour Party so he can be the official candidate next year, and incumbent Nicky Gavron is dumped, possibly in the Lords, there may be an opportunity for a re-think.

Not, I wouldn't mind betting, if Mr Norris has anything to do with it.

| 1330 GMT Tuesday 2 December |

The plain English award may have gone to US defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld, but New Labour certainly deserves an honourable mention.

This from a briefing on Tony Blair's "Big Conversation" launch in Newport, South Wales.

"The first day saw Tony Blair launch the long-awaited Big Conversation, an honest and serious debate between a modern empowering government and active responsible citizens."

Is that MPs asking voters what they want?

Still, for the confused: "Ian McCartney promised a user-friendly toolkit to help local parties take the conversation to the community."

| 1300 GMT Monday 1 December | They must be putting something in the water in the House of Commons.

There has been a sudden explosion in the number of groups - think-tanks, policy forums, blue sky thinkers or whatever you want to call them this week - being created or revived.

Labour has been given yet another body to advise the prime minister on eye catching, radical yet somehow cuddly policies.

This group of moderate left backbenchers call themselves New Wave (or the Last Wave as some of their critics have already dubbed them).

Meanwhile a decidedly old wave Tory group is being revived to offer similar "help" to Michael Howard.

The Selsdon Group - which credits itself with the creation of Thatcherism - will be relaunched this week with an address by John Redwood.

By far the most amusing creation, however, is the group created specifically in response to Mr Howard's election as Tory leader.

These wags - in a nod to Mr Howard's former role running the nation's prisons - has branded itself The Penal League for Howard Reform.

The Howard League for Penal Reform must surely be amused.

| 1500 GMT Thursday 27 November | So where was Cherie Blair when her husband was having his latest health scare?

She was at a charity bash standing in for Foreign Secretary Jack Straw, who had been delayed returning from Iraq.

At around the same time her husband was under the doctor, she was - apparently unaware of her husband's plight - praising the efforts of one of his advisers, Justin Russell, Mr Straw's adviser Ed Owen and BBC News Online's very own political reporter Mark Davies.

The three men are to run the next London marathon ( is Mark mad!?) to raise £100,000 for cystic fibrosis.

Mr Owen's 17-month-old daughter, Ella, was diagnosed with the disease at birth and now undergoes vigorous daily treatment.

The launch of their campaign drew a great response with Sir David Frost, Sven Goran Eriksson and girlfriend Nancy and Health Secretary John Reid all in attendance.

Hope they all pledged serious sums of money. If you want to join, email the campaign [e-mail] and check out their web site: www.runningforella.info

Remember when former Northern Ireland Secretary Mo Mowlam received a standing ovation from the Labour party conference midway through a speech by Tony Blair?

Many believe the prime minister decided at that moment that he could not have anyone more popular than him in the cabinet.

Well, during the debate on the Queen's Speech, backbencher John McFall just happened to mention what a good job Chancellor Gordon Brown was doing.

A long and hearty outburst of "hear, hears" erupted on the Labour benches.

A pound to a penny Mr Brown is still in the cabinet in a year's time, however.

Just heard a lovely story concerning former Lib Dem leader Paddy Ashdown during his time in the Special Boat Squadron.

Apparently he was on an exercise in some far flung exotic location doing a bit of underwater training.

He was all kitted up with knife strapped to his leg - not between his teeth, sadly - and the rest of his state-of-the-art survival kit when he spotted a colleague wielding a stick with a big nail in the end of it.

"What's that for," asked our hero.

"Oh, that's my anti-shark device."

"How on earth will that protect you from a shark?"

"Well, when it attacks I hit you with the stick until you bleed then swim like hell in the opposite direction."