'One day I'll fall in love'

As part of a BBC series on Aids, people living with HIV from around the world tell their own stories in their own words.

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'Life isn't a dress rehearsal' is the phrase from from One Night Stand that stays with Natasha

Natasha from Russia has found her calling in life since being diagnosed with HIV.

I'm 19-years-old, although there are times when I feel like I'm at least 30.

A year ago I found out that I was HIV positive.

To say that I was shocked would be a big understatement. At that time I was still a child. Now I feel as though I've lived through a war - a war with myself, inside myself, with my virus.

I think that you can compare HIV to a ghost or a spirit - something that you can't see but that scares people and makes them say that they don't believe in it.

Ages ago I watched this film. It was called One Night Stand.

I never thought at that time that one day the same thing would happen to me.

One phrase from the film sticks in my mind, and it's become my slogan: "Life isn't a dress rehearsal."

I think that says it all.

Where I was meant to be

You know stress, or illness changes you.

Some people change for the better, some for the worse.

In my case I think I've changed for the better.

I've got an aim in life now.

For more than six months I've been working as a volunteer for two organizations.

One is a help line for people with HIV and Aids.

I want to dedicate my life to people who need help

I tell them there are treatments now that prolong your life, that enable you to live a normal life with HIV.

Most people don't know that. I didn't know it myself.

When I hear people's voices at the other end of the line, when someone says to me: "Thank you, I wanted to go and jump off the roof but now after talking to you I realise that things aren't so bad, that you can live with HIV", that I can think about tomorrow, that I might be able to have children.

When I hear people say those kind of things to me, it means more than any money, qualifications or medals ever could.

I think I've found the place I was meant to be.

I think that HIV came into my life so that I could save other people - well that sounds a bit over the top - what I'm trying to say is so that I could help other people.

If you ask me about my hopes and aims in life then I suppose I'd say that I want to dedicate my life to people who need help.

I'd like to be a psychologist.

And you know like any normal girl of my age I dream that one day I'll fall in love, I'll meet my other half - and he will be someone who will love me for myself, despite the virus inside me.

For him I'll be just me - Natasha - and fear won't be a barrier to our happiness.

The interview with Natasha was provided by the BBC Russian service.

If you would like to send a message to Natasha or comment on this piece, please use the form below. If you would like to participate in one of our other programmes on HIV and Aids please include your phone number. Your personal details will not appear online.

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Your comments:

I hope some day I'll meet someone like you David, Caracas, Venezuela

Hi, I want to share a little of my time with you. I really love what you said. I can't express how lucky it will be for a man to be with you, shame in this world there are not more Natashas. I believe life doesn't end when you get Aids it just ends when you convince yourself it is going to end, so I would just tell you to never surrender! I hope some day I'll meet someone like you. Best wishes and hope to hear from you again sometime and know how you are doing.
David, Caracas, Venezuela

You are a brave girl and you are doing a great job. If you can make a difference to even one life it's worth it! Hope there will be a vaccine soon. With best wishes.
Prabhkar K, India, Hyderabad

Natasha, good luck to you. I think it's noble that you want to help others with the condition. Indeed, HIV is a condition that instils fear into people but I feel that with education and proper treatment, HIV can be eradicated. I feel for you and I think the person that falls in love with you, would be worth much much more than a lot of the people living here. I salute you, good luck Natasha.
Ryan Mcbrude, Sussex, UK

Hi Natasha: Despite having studied about the social consequences of Aids, I can only try to imagine how life must be like. However, I commend your courage and resolve to come out fighting against this menace and help other people in their struggle against this disease. I wish you all the very best that life has to offer.
Tayyab Khan, Toronto, Canada

Our aim in life is to go towards perfection. Perfection of our own individual self, in our own individual way. It is well known and generally accepted that problems and difficulties can make us take big strides in this way. I am sad that you are positive, but I congratulate you to making this a tool towards perfection. Have a good life.
Anna, Tehran, Iran