Reporter's struggle to scale Apec summit

By Tim Luard BBC, Bangkok

If you've never even heard of Apec (the Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation forum) you should come to Bangkok. Or on second thoughts, maybe better to remain in blissful ignorance.

I've certainly heard more about it since I flew in a few hours ago than I ever dreamed possible.

In case I'm tempted to forget about it when I come in from the bunting-festooned streets, the television here in my hotel room has a 24-hour Apec Channel.

I suspect most journalists, like me, were wondering what on earth the story they were supposed to be chasing really was

If you try to switch over, you get the same thing in other languages. The hotel added one of its own in Russian, I'm told, when it heard the Russian delegation would be staying here.

I was a bit disappointed, I must admit, as my plane began its descent into Bangkok earlier today, not to see any of the F-16 fighter jets that have been assigned to escort the incoming flights of the various world leaders attending this week's summit.

I haven't yet seen an Apec leader, but I'm pretty sure the woman who had been sitting in the next seat of a row of four on the flight from London wasn't one.

She was somewhat the worse for drink and wearing a stained tee shirt saying Irish Disarmament.

She was also extremely bulky and had been sitting not only in the next seat but also in one half of my own.

The resulting lack of in-flight sleep on my part meant that I've been drifting in a jet-lagged daze ever since:

Past the Apec floral displays and special Apec immigration channels at the airport.

Down roads in which I was vaguely aware that the usual street-stalls and beggars have been replaced by long lines of police and troops.

Along the river that on my first visit 30 years ago had been the bustling main artery of the "Venice of the East" but where any remaining rice-barges and cargo-boats have been banished for the duration of this week's summit.

And past the waterfront shanty-towns that have been thoughtfully shielded from the eyes of delegates by huge hoardings saying "Welcome Apec Delegates".

The main road next to my hotel in the centre of town has been totally closed to all non-Apec traffic and pedestrians.

Fierce security

Each time you enter the hotel itself, you have to empty all your pockets and have all bags x-rayed. When I popped out for a cigarette the security men took my throwaway lighter away from me, passed it around between them thoughtfully, and put that through the machine too.

But at least they didn't throw it away. A colleague who had a bit of blue-tack in his luggage wasn't so lucky - they were convinced it was a piece of plastic explosive.

For the summit weary reporter: a free massage

Then came the journey across town to try to get my accreditation card.

Thankfully, resident BBC producer Tony Cheng was around to guide me onto a series of Skyway Trains, into taxis that gave up in despair as another street was closed off for the arrival of another leader, and finally, after a mad dash on foot past the unusually quiet red light district, onto a heaven-sent special Apec bus.

It duly deposited us at the imposing gates of the Queen Siriket Convention Centre where the leaders are actually supposed to be meeting.

After more searches and much form-filling, I was finally accepted as a bona fide Apec journalist and was holding in my sweaty hand my very own "free food and massage" vouchers for accredited media (the ones for free beer ran out some time ago).

But there were still no world leaders - or even junior real-life Apec delegates - to be seen.

Just thousands of other journalists.

Some were eating their free food, others having their free massages (not the kind, I have to say, that Bangkok is most famous for).

And some, to give them credit, were running madly to and fro, helping in the Thai Government's creation of an atmosphere of mounting frenzy as the actual opening of the two-day main event approached.

I suspect most, like me, were wondering what on earth the story they were supposed to be chasing really was.

Or possibly, what on earth Apec stands for - and what all this fuss is really all about.

Maybe it'll all become clear in the morning.

You can hear Tim Luard's reports on the Apec conference on the BBC World Service's East Asia Today programme.