Tumour diary: Staying well

By Ivan Noble
BBC News Online science writer

BBC News Online science and technology writer Ivan Noble was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour last August.

Since then he has been sharing his experiences in an online diary.

I wanted to know as little as possible about my tumour when I was first diagnosed.

I was so scared that I thought that whatever I might learn would inevitably be worse than I already imagined things to be.

It makes me uncomfortable to feel that there is nothing I can do to influence my fate

All I wanted to know was that something could be done for me and all I wanted to do was get the treatment started.

But of course it is not possible to live a life of ignorance.

Facts trickle out and by now, over 10 months later, treatment complete and apparently in remission, I know the truth.

Doctors do not try to cure tumours like mine because it is not possible using today's treatments.

Instead they manage them, seeking to prolong life as long as possible and maintain as high a quality of life as possible.

Many die

They use radiotherapy, chemotherapy and surgery to keep the tumour at bay for as long as they can.

Despite these efforts, half of all patients with my diagnosis die within the first year of their diagnosis.

I am told that the number who make it to five years is less than one in ten.

It is a grim prognosis, but because at 36 I am relatively young and because I have no major symptoms, I have a fighting chance of being in that less than one in ten.

It makes me uncomfortable to feel that there is nothing I can do to influence my fate.

I am simply not ready to die, not anywhere near it. There are people who talk about the phases of terminal illness, about denial, rage, grief and acceptance, but I do not feel ready to start all that yet.

Life is too good, too full of potential, full of people and things I want to see develop, for me to think about giving up on it.

Holistic treatment

So last month I went to a centre which specialises in holistic treatment for cancer patients to see whether they had any positive ideas.

It was a lovely, relaxing place to spend time and the food was wonderful.

I was there for two days, during which time I heard an explanation of how the mind is linked to the body and, in particular, the connection between the mind and the immune system.

The idea behind all of the relaxation, visualisation, healing and nutritional techniques seemed to be that a relaxed, happy and well-nourished person is better able to fight the progress of cancer.

It seemed fairly logical, even if some of the techniques did not strike much of a chord with me.

Daily exercises

I have to work carefully and quietly to stay well

I made some follow-up appointments when I got home and so now, besides tai chi, I am doing daily visualisation exercises and seeing a psychotherapist every week to try to work out how best to minimise on stress in my life.

The way I see it is that the worst that can come out of it is that I end up a bit more relaxed and a bit more out of pocket than I would otherwise have been.

And if it does help me live a longer and happier life, then it will have been well worth the effort and expense.

Of course I will remain under the care of my main cancer doctor and will take his advice if and when I need more chemotherapy or whatever else. No-one at the holistic place was suggesting otherwise.

But my real hope remains in the scientists and doctors working on a treatment which has the potential to stop my tumour in its tracks for good.

I have to work carefully and quietly to stay well while they work hard to refine their techniques to the point where they can get a licence for what they do.

Relaxing and being happy while all that is going on is not easy but I have to try.