Domestic violence

Louise suffered abuse from the day she got married

You may think that domestic violence could never happen to you.

But it's a chilling fact that one in four women experience some kind of physical or mental domestic abuse during their lifetime. It can occur regardless of ethnic origin or social status.

And it causes lifelong harm to all those caught up in it - especially children.

This morning, Breakfast began its contribution to the BBC's special season on Domestic Violence, called Hitting Home.

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How could it happen to me? We heard the story of one woman who suffered years of abuse, beginning on her wedding day.

Unusually, Louise and her husband are still together, after he decided to get intensive psychological help

click here to watch Louise's story

So, what can you do about domestic violence? we talked to Sandra Horley of the charity Refuge and a relationship therapist, Corrine Sweet.

"Domestic violence is very commonplace, which is very sad," Corrine told us. "It's to do with the power dynamic of men over women. It's predominantly men tyrannising women."

Sandra: women find it difficult to leave

For some men, she said, beating up their partner can become the way they deal with other problems in their lives

"There can be a really addictive pull," she said.

According to Sandra Horley, many women feel needlessly guilty about domestic violence and worry that they are in some way to blame.

Many want to leave violent relationships, but find it extremely difficult, especially if they have children:

"Many women do not recognise that their partners are abusive. At the beginning of a relationship the man is charming and only becomes abusive once the woman has committed to the relationship," she told us

click here to watch our debate in full

Casualty We also talked to the actress Martina Laird, who plays Comfort in the BBC Drama Casualty, and to a specialist in Family Law.

Martina's character gets involved

Martina's character, who's a paramedic, gets involved in identifying a case of domestic abuse.

"The storyline is the most extreme situation, where outside authorities identify that there is abuse," explained lawyer Denise Lester.

"But the real message is - don't let it get to this stage.The police are specially trained to deal with this. So are GPs."

click here to watch this interview in full

Click here for the BBC's "Hitting Home" website.

My partner is hurting me

If you are being assaulted, either physically or sexually, or are being threatened, by someone you live with, then you are a victim of domestic violence.

Domestic violence

A call from a domestic violence victim is made to the Police every minute.

Domestic violence incidents make up nearly a quarter of all violent crime.

Less than 35% of actual domestic violence is reported to the police.

Under 25s are most likely to be affected.

You don't have to put up with it

Domestic violence doesn't just affect women, it can affect men too, and the violence usually gets worse over time.

And there are other non-physical forms of abuse too, such as verbal abuse or attempts to control or bully you, which can also have damaging effects.

There are many people who remain in violent relationships because they don't acknowledge what is happening to them.

It's not easy coming to terms with the fact that your partner is violent toward you, and it's not unusual for the abused partner to minimise, or even justify what is happening to them.

Nobody deserves to be assaulted

It is not your fault that you are being abused. Nobody deserves to be assaulted, least of all by a partner who is supposed to be part of a caring relationship.

People often blame themselves because that is what they are told by the abuser, but that is just their way of justifying what they are doing to you. You should always remember that being assaulted is wrong.

It is very easy to say that you must find help, but that is exactly what you should do. It might not be easy to talk to someone about what is happening to you, but you must.

Either confide in a friend or call one of the support groups listed below to talk to someone who can offer you emotional support and also practical help.

Refuges

There are refuges where you can go to escape the abuse, and you should consider moving away from the abuser, perhaps moving in with a friend or a family member.

A refuge is a safe house where people who are experiencing domestic abuse can live free from violence. If you have children, you can take them with you. Refuge addresses are confidential.

There are over 400 refuges in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland - you can choose to travel as far away from, or stay as near to your hometown as you wish.

Some refuges have space for many women and children, and some refuges are small houses. Some refuges are specifically for women from particular ethnic or cultural groups and many cater for women with a range of disabilities.

Legal protection

You don't have to involve the police if you don't want to, although you should always remember that you can call them at any time.

Whether or not the police use the criminal law against a violent person, you can use the civil law to get protection to allow you to live in safety. You can find out more from a solicitor, your local Citizens Advice Bureau or Women's Aid group.

GETTING HELP

Useful helpline numbers:

BBC Helpline - 08000 934 934

Call us free if you have experienced domestic violence, and you would like to talk to someone in confidence. Lines are open until midnight, from 4th February until 28th March 2003.

Women's Aid 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline - 08457 023 468

Refuge 24-Hour National Crisis Line - 0990 995 443

Men's Advice Line and Enquiries - 020 8644 9914

Victim Support - 0845 30 30 900

Shelterline - 0808 800 4444

The Samaritans - 0345 90 90 90