Tony Blair: Much of the criticism levelled at the prime minister over the past few months has been about his alleged control freak mentality.

He wants to know what everyone in the Cabinet is thinking, before they have thought it, and he wants no-one to breathe without checking with his spokesman Alastair Campbell first.

His present will be an aromatherapy kit stuffed with relaxing scented oils to help him let go just a little bit.

Then again, famous wearer of magic crystals Cherie Blair has probably already thought of that so, as an alternative, a copy of Labour's election manifesto to remind him what was in it.

John Prescott: To be fair, the deputy prime minister has already asked for the present he was about to be sent.

He told David Frost he wanted "another Jag just to keep the press going".

In fact, he was about to receive another top-of-the-range, gas guzzlers but only after it appeared the two he has already got weren't enough to go around when he was seen travelling on the London underground earlier in the year.

Instead he will now receive a fill-in-the-blanks version of the dictionary of foul language.

DIY Lord Chancellor

Lord Irvine: The ever-controversial Lord Chancellor catapulted himself into the limelight with his lavish refurbishment of his official apartments.

He was eager to point out that the redecoration was of the highest quality - not the sort of stuff you would buy at the local DIY store.

So, to go along with his £200-a-yard curtains, a nice line of B&Q kitchen cabinets - self assembly, of course.

Gordon Brown: The chancellor gets nothing. After a year spattering all his speeches with the words "prudence" and "caution" he has requested that he be sent no presents at all this year.

He has also cancelled Christmas.

Alistair Darling: This is an easy one. The man who has been put in charge of the nation's pensions deserves a handsome pensions package himself to see him through the lean years when he follows his predecessors, Harriet Harman and Frank Field into premature retirement.

Geoffrey Robinson: What can you give to the man who has already got everything. How about a free pardon?

Paddy Ashdown: The Liberal Democrat leader is said to want a lie detector which he can use on members of the government when he attends Cabinet committee meetings.

Paddy's lie detector

However, like Tony Blair, he will also be receiving a copy of Labour's election manifesto with key areas on voting reform and freedom of information circled - just to keep him warm at night.

William Hague: The Tory leader deserves lots of presents to make up for the lack of them from his own benches.

Top of the list is a back-to-front flak jacket which he can wear at all times in Parliament - particularly when meeting his old mates in the House of Lords.

But what he really wants is a brand new shadow cabinet. Santa had better see what he can do next year, or maybe the year after.

Peter Lilley: The uncharismatic deputy Tory leader revealed another non-talent during his end of conference speech in Bournemouth this year. As a result he gets singing lessons.

Santa Dobson

Frank Dobson: Dress him up in a Father Christmas outfit and the health secretary would fool anyone. Unfortunately he hasn't yet fooled the nurses.

Taking into account his robust and distinctly "old-fashioned" sense of humour, he will be receiving a book of *****ing good politically correct jokes.

Peter Mandelson: Who needs Christmas presents when you can borrow the odd £340,000 from an old friend?

However, in the spirit of the season, he will be receiving a new moustache because we all miss the old one.

As for the rest, Foreign Secretary Robin Cook is getting a new anorak to wear at his next wedding.

Redwood's return

Home Secretary Jack Straw is getting a guide on how to spot drug abuse in youngsters and Ann Widdecombe will receive a speak your weight machine that lies.

John Redwood is to receive his long-lost return ticket to Neptune while Michael Howard and Norman Fowler will both get directions to the backbenches.