Quiz of the week's news

So much news and so little time - test your knowledge of the week's events in the weekly quiz.

If you don't do very well this week, try again next Friday - this quiz is here every week.

"We have heard no remorse, no regret and no glimmer of an apology." Which politician was being damned?

	A: Cuba's "axis of evil" leader Fidel Castro attacked by US Under Secretary of State John Bolton

	B: UK transport minister Stephen Byers under fire from his Tory opposite number Theresa May

	C: Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat criticised by Israel's Ariel Sharon

"He sat on the bottom for about eight days." Who had trouble rising to the occasion?

	A: Soccer star David Beckham, depressed at missing Man United's vital match against Arsenal

	B: Franko B, a self-mutilating Italian performance artist whose UK show was put in doubt after a buttock wound refused to heal

	C: Gandalf the goldfish, who can only float with the aid of a cork lifejacket

Who said: "It's like winning the lottery knowing she's there"?

	A: The grandson of "missing pensioner" Alice Houghton, found safe in the south of France

	B: The father of a two-day-old baby found safe after being snatched from hospital

	C: Donmar Warehouse backers on Gwyneth Paltrow's star turn in their latest show

"One is a twisted knee, one is suffering diarrhoea and vomiting." Some of the light casualties resulting from what?

	A: The Royal Marine's Operation Snipe flushing out al-Qaeda fighters

	B: Street celebrations following Arsenal's victory in the FA Cup and Premiership title race

	C: A party organised by Ozzy Osbourne following his signing of a £2m book deal

"If we had come a couple of months earlier we would have found them." Which latecomers were disappointed?

	A: The Operation Snipe Royal Marines, yet to meet any al-Qaeda fighters

	B: A couple of Scottish first-time buyers horrified that they have been priced out of London's property market

	C: New York Star Wars fans told that tickets for the first performances of the new film sold out in 2001

"That is one thing we are discussing with Manchester United." Sven-Goran Eriksson wants Sir Alex Ferguson's help doing what?

	A: Treating David Beckham's injured foot so he can play for England in the World Cup

	B: Convincing Beckham not to grow a David Seaman 'tache for the World Cup

	C: Getting an Old Trafford season ticket for Ulrika Jonsson

"We have undoubtedly become a civilisation in rapid cultural decline." What has upset arts guru Sir Thomas Allen?

	A: Reforms which will allow Rupert Murdoch to buy Channel 5

	B: The popularity of chart-topping classical stars Charlotte Church, Bond and the Operababes

	C: Franko B's six-hour blood-letting art performance being staged at Warwick Art Centre

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