Collins fails to find her dynasty

Collins may look great but is unconvincing

By BBC News Online's Steve Schifferes

Joan Collins fans are flocking to the Old Vic theatre to see the superstar return to the London stage more than half a century after her debut at the age of nine.

But the play, Over the Moon, is so lightweight that the highlight of the evening is watching Collins cross and uncross her legs - which she does very well.

The plot - such as it is - concerns the hopes of two ageing stars, played by Collins and Frank Langella, for a starring role in the movies when it appears that movie director Frank Capra is coming to town.

Langella does a convincing rendition of a drunk actor, reeling after his wife discovers his affair with a young actress in the company.

Play is stuck in the 1940s

But his performance is all ham, whether on stage or in the backstage dressing room.

The only performer with any comic timing is Moira Lister, who almost steals the show with her transformation from the ageing mother to a French maid for Noel Coward's Private Lives, the play the acting company is supposedly staging.

The playwright, Ken Ludwig, seems to be attempting a rewrite of Kiss Me Kate, with actors playing themselves on and off stage.

But the play seems to have remained stuck in the l940s, when finding people locked up in closets was funny and the use of four-letter words and talk of pregnancy on stage was shocking.

Regal strides

It is an unconvincing comedy without any funny jokes, or any reason for the audience to have sympathy with the characters - who all seem cardboard stage cut-outs even when they are not playing actors.

Collins makes little attempt to act her part, content that her regal strides will satisfy her audience.

She may be right - and she is only the latest in a long line of screen actors who have migrated to the London stage.

But it is a sad day for the theatre that launched Laurence Oliver, Ralph Richardson and the National Theatre.

Over the Moon is now playing at London's Old Vic theatre.