Want to get published? Write on!

Let me tell you a story...

Former President Bill Clinton is reportedly trying to get a publishing deal to write a novel. Is there anything he should bear in mind?

There has been no announcement yet, but insiders are convinced that if the Clinton novel gets written and gets published, it will be "a guaranteed best seller".

Fictional Clinton movie based on the novel by 'Anonymous'

Writing is not noted among Mr Clinton's achievements, so it may shed new light on the widely-held view that novel-writing is a simple business which can be accomplished by anyone with a word processor and a few hours to spare.

Like pop music and film acting, lots of people see the result and immediately think: "I could do that."

And when people read about the huge sums of money dished out in book deals, many decide to try their luck.

The result is that thousands of novel manuscripts wash up in publishers' offices every year.

Most end up in "dross pit" - where they will probably be read - eventually - playing the percentages on the off chance that the next Bridget Jones's Diary has arrived out of the blue.

But the vast majority will end up in the bin.

According to Robert Kirby, literary agent at Europe's largest literary and talent agencies Peters, Fraser and Dunlop, says what counts is that the author is "high-profile".

This means having already recorded a string of hits or - better still - being famous for some entirely unrelated activity.

He thinks the Clintons - Hillary has a major book deal too - will do extremely well simply because they are well-known and controversial celebrities.

Unknown wannabe novelists, on the other hand, go wrong because they fail - or refuse - to understand that book publishing is becoming a consumer industry much like any other.

I confess... Author Nick Hornby

Scope for risk-taking and experimentation has diminished as a more commercial approach has been adopted.

What gets written these days is mainly up to the owners of chains of High Street shops - just in the same way that supermarkets decide what type of sausages get made.

But anyone can have a go - just as you can make your own sausages and, given enough time, would probably make a very good job of it.

Anyone who is still keen to get involved may like to consider a few pointers:

1. What to write about

If possible, write about yourself.

In a "confessional" age most best-selling books are autobiographical.

The difficulty is that you need, if at all possible, to be as famous as Princess Diana.

If you cannot do that, then it is best to be someone like Alex Ferguson - whose Managing My Life autobiography was last year's record breaker.

Then again, if you are not Alex Ferguson, try becoming a chat-show host who overcame a difficult childhood or, perhaps, a former member of the SAS with a few ripping good war stories to tell.

2. Fact or fiction?

Essential reading for aspiring authors

It is best to avoid sticking too rigidly to these old-fashioned distinctions.

What sells best is a fictional novel using the form of a non-fictional, autobiographical diary (eg Bridget Jones).

Alternatively you can pass off what everyone will assume is "fact" as fiction (eg The Right Stuff, Primary Colors, A Parliamentary Affair, etc).

What you must never do is present fiction as fiction; or fact as fact - consumers think that is terribly dull.

And - whatever you do - don't waste time "writing" - publishers are up to their eyeballs in hacks who can churn it out at 1p a word.

3. Selling the book

Do not write your novel until you have a contract.

You need to sell the overall "high concept" to a literary agent first.

The most successful books of all can be sold with a single line memo - known as a "log line" in the related movie business.

Many books are sold on the title alone and one or two pages setting out an idea. Normally, this will consist of "genre blending" - promising an amalgam of as many recent hit books and hit TV shows as possible.

The result is usually something like this: Title: Goodbye - You Are The Weakest Link - An adult version of Harry Potter written in the Style of Bridget Jones's Diary where the Bravo Two Zero SAS team are sent to rescue The Horsewhisperer in a plot-line derived from a cross between the Blair Witch Project and Big Brother.

There is very little point in trying to write this - an activity which might involve actual physical or mental injury - until the publisher has made suggested changes.

4. The Writing Process Itself

This is the easy, merely technical bit.

The most important thing is to avoid originality and make your work read like all the other best-sellers.

Aim for a breezy, chatty confessional style.

Some of the most successful publishers - such as Mills and Boon - issue writers with simple standard plot lines and even suggest dialogue so that once the all-important high concept is agreed the task of writing is similar to painting by numbers.

5. Why, then, be a novelist?

Publishing, like any other branch of the entertainment business, is much more of an "all or nothing" venture than ever before.

Many people say books are going the way of music tapes and CDs - shops with dump bins full of the top ten best sellers, a corner devoted to classics, and very little else.

Current gloom at Waterstones - the last bookshop chain which tried to profit out of stocking shops with a wide variety of titles - is causing groans among many in the business.

Nevertheless, just like the thousands who strum guitars and dream of starring one day in a pop group, the publishing industry - like the music business it now so closely resembles - will never be short of fresh supplies of willing, young new talent.