It's the Commons panto

By BBC News Online political correspondent Nick Assinder

The House of Commons performance is often likened to a pantomime.

There is no shortage of men in tights, pantomime dames and Tinkerbells.

And it would be all to easy to imagine MPs yelling "He's behind you!" across the floor at each other with regard to Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, say - or even "Oh, no he isn't!"

So in the spirit of the season, here are some of our most famous politicians re-dressed as their natural pantomime characters.

Princely touch

It may grate with his detractors but Prime Minister Tony Blair is quite definitely Prince Charming.

Whenever he is up against it, he walks among his people, turns on the famous perma-smile and adopts his best "Hey guys, I'm just like the rest of you really" manner.

Blair the charmer

He can even produce a "miracle" baby when the time is just right.

It has worked wonders on many occasions in the past but there has been some recent suggestion that he may be losing his regal touch.

And, to flagrantly mix stories, the Women's Institute definitely saw through the Emperor's new clothes!

Still, we can all look forward to a renewed charm offensive now the next general election is looming.

Therein lies the rub

William Hague, unfortunately, has been likened to Aladdin. He was down on his luck, unloved and alone when he suddenly discovered his magic lamp.

Trouble was when he rubbed it, rather than a genie leaping out to fulfil his every political desire, he got Michael Portillo.

The new shadow chancellor immediately went around tearing up all Aladdin's policies and refusing to get back into his lamp.

He now hovers over Mr Hague's shoulder insisting there is no way he wants his job.

Humbug

Chancellor Gordon Brown can only be one character: Scrooge. The dour Scot wants to be seen as Robin Hood, taking taxes from the rich to give to the poor.

Brown in jollier mood

In fact he has taken taxes from everyone and kept most of it himself while mumbling "prudence, prudence" under his breath.

Just like Ebeneezer, however, he has now seen the light after being paid a visit by the spirits of local elections past and general elections future.

He has now started splashing out the cash and even, on occasion, appears to be enjoying himself.

Transport squeeze

Deputy Prime Minister and Transport Secretary John Prescott is a natural for any pantomime which includes a wicked uncle.

He does a particularly good line in scaring children and small animals but, I fear, there is a better character.

He is Cinderella's fairy godmother who turns a pumpkin and mice into the most luxurious method of transport imaginable - a golden coach and six.

Prescott: No wicked uncle

Unfortunately for Mr Prescott, he has never managed to perfect the trick and, when midnight chimes, all his forms of transport turn back into lemons - except his Jaguars which simply multiply like rabbits.

Back to the kitchen

As for Cinderella herself, it has to be Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy, apparently forever destined not to go to the political ball.

He has slaved away below stairs for years - excluding the occasional appearance on quiz shows - and has even caught the eye of Prince Charming (see above) a couple of times.

But the slipper was never going to fit and, in any case, he has decided such a partnership would have been a marriage of convenience rather than true love.

No happy ending there, then.

No turning back

Ken Livingstone is too easy. As the real new mayor of London (if not the Lord mayor), he is clearly Dick Whittington.

And Tony Blair tried every trick in the book to stop Ken from "turning again" when he had been denied Labour's nomination for the job.

However, he missed the obvious trick of muffling the sound of Bow bells, preferably - from his point of view - with Ken's head.

Does this mean, by the way, that the mascot for the fabulous Whittington hospital in north London has to be changed from a black cat to a newt?

Beating crime

Ann Widdecombe isn't going to like this, but her tough line on law and order, pot smokers and other smalltime miscreants has landed her the role of Widow Spanky.

Now, she has never suggested she would like to see corporal punishment used to straighten out wrong-doers.

But that is probably only because half the shadow cabinet would then have to admit they had been spanked as youngsters or, worse, done the spanking themselves at school.

Like cannabis, however, I bet none of them enjoyed it.

Not sleeping

Cook: Waking up?

One uncharitable Labour MP has suggested that Foreign Secretary Robin Cook should be given the part of Sleeping Beauty.

"One day he might wake up and realise he's in the wrong job," he muttered.

This is deeply unfair on Mr Cook and is, in any case, wrong in at least one characteristic.

No show without Mandy

Finally, Peter Mandelson. Grumpy old Labour MPs have tried to cast him as the evil Baron Nasty or the unscrupulous Captain Hook.

But even they will agree that without Peter, there would be no Labour panto at all.

So the Northern Ireland secretary deserves a far more prominent role - and what better than principal boy.

No pantomime is complete without the dashing hero running around, slapping his thigh, sorting out the baddies and winning the day.

And it is certainly true that as far as Tony Blair and New Labour are concerned, Mr Mandelson has always been their principal boy.

Happy Christmas!