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Wednesday, November 17, 1999 Published at 18:32 GMT

When the law is an ass

All at sea: Sark is being forced to modernise

For more than 400 years people on the tiny Channel Island of Sark have lived under rules drawn up by their ancestors.

But now pressures of modern society are exerting themselves on the community.

The Chief Pleas, Sark's ruling body, will agree next week to change the law to allow daughters to inherit property.

Until the change it was decreed that all land had to be left to the oldest son.

[ image: Divorce: Illegal in Sark]
Divorce: Illegal in Sark
Sarkees are still waiting for the legislature to change the law to allow residents to divorce.

To many, it seems that the nether regions of the British Isles are often out of step with the times.

The people of the Isle of Man only managed to shrug off some outlandish laws at the beginning of this decade with the passing of a bill repealing 700 obsolete relics of legislation.

They included lifting the ban on crossbows, and Elizabeth I's edict that "Jesuits, Seminary Priests and other suchlike disobedient Persons" must be banished.

However, it would be wrong for mainlanders to point the finger at Sark and the Isle of Man and pat themselves on the back for being so modern.

[ image: UK licensing laws are out of step with Europe]
UK licensing laws are out of step with Europe
Every drinker knows about the antiquated licensing laws which are the laughing stock of our fellow Europeans.

But pity the poor taxi driver who, until 1976,. could be commanded by a policeman to reveal his or her bale of hay. If they did not have one in the boot, then they were clearly ill-treating their horse.

MPs taking a shine to wearing armour in Parliament are still barred from doing so under a statute of 1313.

And if visiting Burlington Arcade off Piccadilly, do not whistle or raise an umbrella as it may bring retribution from a uniformed beadle.

The Silver Cross pub in Whitehall is still the nation's only legal brothel - as far as can be established the licence granted by Charles I has never been revoked - although you can't even rent a room upstairs for a golf club dinner, let alone an orgy.

And under the Town Police Clauses Act 1847 it is an offence (carrying a penalty of Ł200 or 14 days jail) to:

Beat or shake any carpet, rug or mat in any street (except door mats beaten or shaken before 8am)

Fly a kite, to make use a slide on ice or snow in the street

To erect a washing line across any street or hang washing on it

Publicly to sing any profane or obscene song or ballad in any street

To keep any pig sty at the front of any street (unless shut off by a sufficient wall or fence); to keep any swine in or near any street so as to be a common nuisance."

[ image: Cows: Not in the street]
Cows: Not in the street
In a warning to all Londoners, the Metropolitan Streets Act 1867 prohibits the driving or conducting of any cattle through any street between the hours of 10am and 7pm (except with the permission of the Commissioner of Police). The maximum penalty is a Ł25 fine for each head of cattle.

That did not stop street-wise Londoner Jef Smith, 60, wearing farmers' clothes and carrying a rake, leading his sheep across Tower Bridge earlier this year.

As a Freeman of London, he had every right to lead Clover, an eight-year-old Jacob's Cross, and Little Man, a six-month-old crossbreed over the bridge - whatever time of day.

[ image: Jef Smith: Free to walk his sheep]
Jef Smith: Free to walk his sheep
Such statutes come under the eyes of The Law Commission of England and Wales, but because some are part of wider rules still relevant, it's not always easy to do away with them.

Of course there are laws that are even beyond the reach of The Law Commission, but make the UK a brighter place for it.

Wimbledon Common Golf Club would need more than a change in the law to back down on insisting that all players wear a pillar-box red outfit - to warn pedestrians they are at risk from flying balls.

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